Final flings (1)
I read a post on here a while back asking about final flings and if they were a real thing and if they were a good idea so i just thought i would add my 2 cents.
Sorry if the OP has already made their decision but i just decided to do this and wasn't sure if i actually wanted to put this out there but i think it will be good information if you are thinking about it.
Final flings are real and in my personal opinion are a good thing, Please remember that this is just MY personal opinion and as such does not mean i think you can't have a happy marriage without one but it was something we decided as a couple to do and although it had its challenges and problems i truly believe it was good for us.
It was actually my cousin who mentioned it and asked if we were planning on doing it and at the time i had heard of it but it wasn't anything i had even put any thought into but after a quite in depth discussion with her i started thinking about it and after bringing it to my husband he was at first a little hurt i think at the thought that i wanted to have s** with someone else before we married but he came back to me a few days later saying he had done some "Research" which probably meant him and his buddies sitting around drinking beer and talking about s**.
My husband proposed something totally different than what i had in mind and initially i shot it down but after a few more talks i agreed to a threesome. I think i was mostly struggling with the idea of marriage and the idea that you have to get all the craziness out of your system before marriage which is not true at all, You just have to know what you want going in.
My husband surprised me by saying he wanted another guy and after careful consideration it actually turned out that the one he had in mind was the one i would have chosen but unless you enjoy a bunch of poking and prodding and continually saying "Stop", "No", "Don't" and "Get that out of there" i don't suggest the two guy thing and for us it didn't feel like it accomplished anything other than creating awkwardness among friends so i went back to my original idea.
I feel like i am rambling so i apologize and i'll get on with it, So we decided to do it but had both decided we were not comfortable with the other just picking up a random stranger so we were going to pick each others final fling partner but i had already been with the only one of his friends i had any remote amount of interest in so...He brought up a guy from my work (Todd) who had always been interesting to me and i knew a girl he had hooked up with who said he was great but i told him it was up to him to deal with that and we started discussing his.
I have a few friends who i thought he would be interested in but as we discussed them he kept saying no, I asked what the issue was and he said if he was going to do it he wanted it to be with someone who wasn't the exact same as me naked which basically means he wanted big b**** and i admit myself and many of my friends back then were pretty much all the same build except for two, My cousin (Jess) who had originally brought it up and my absolute best friend (Kari), Since the day we met and until the end we always will be.
First I mentioned Jess who i am quite close to and spend a lot of time with, She is the same height as me but has great big b****, like easily an E but the rest of her build is quite small and he was intrigued then I mentioned Kari who is a bit taller than me and a bit more filled out but also has huge b****. After a long discussion and adding my input he said Jess would be his first choice but Kari would be a VERY close second.
Now onto the biggest issue, Bringing it up to them. My husband and Todd are still and always have been "Acquaintances" but the next weekend invited him over for a beer and by the time he left my husband said Todd was totally on board but had been told never to bring it up and not to be weird about it at work which luckily we only see each other a few times a day in passing and he was great, Nothing more than a smile or "Hi" in passing. I first went to Jess, She stayed over one night and after my husband left for work i brought it up over coffee and she was receptive to the idea but had concerns which i had hoped i had eliminated.
The big night was a month before the wedding, My husband and Jess went to her place and me and Todd to a hotel since he had a room mate, My night was wonderful, he did everything right and i am pretty sure after spending ALL night and most of the morning together I rocked his world but...Not so much for my husband.
Things kind of fell apart for him right away and continued to get progressively worse until finally giving up, Apparently they got to her place and although it was obvious she was nervous from her shaking hands, trembling voice and shortness of breath she truly did try, they started on the couch and moved to the bedroom, After a bit of oral going each way during which she was having trouble dealing with his...Girth, Jess got on top and barely made 30 seconds before breaking down in tears, Jess later told me through teary eyes that my husband was super supportive and understanding and immediately put a stop to it and they just cuddled.
So now my issue was that i felt my night had gone exceedingly well and his was a total s*** show, Although he did get a bit of crappy oral and spent the night cuddling naked with Jess (And he admitted to being a bit handsy while cuddling) it was more frustrating than anything even though he had pretty much reserved himself to the fact that it was over since Jess definitely was not willing to try again.
I couldn't stop thinking about it and finally went to Kari a week before the wedding, After pleading my case to her and her getting over the initial shock of what i was asking she agreed to be his "Fling". I sent him to her house to pick up invitations and she filled me in later, She answered the door in just a thong, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in, She told me she had some of the same issues Jess did with his size but my husband said she was nothing short of amazing, She was able to do some upper body things i physically can't do effectively due to my lack of b****, Both claim they never slept and i know he didn't get home until almost noon.
It's now 8 years later and i know for a fact neither of us has ever strayed, Me and Jess are as close as ever, She and my husband had some initial awkwardness but are now great and Kari is still to this day my best friend and there is no residual awkwardness at all, She and I can be totally comfortable around each other and her and my husband are closer than ever, Todd took a promotion recently and moved but that was never an issue either.
This is simply my account of my experience, Don't read too much into it and don't try to use it as a template for your life choices, I know quite a few other who have done it and for some it went well for others not so much. If you care to read about them i will post a part two to this post with their accounts as i know them.