I'm very religious. I'm 27, female, single, have a good job as a grade school teacher, go to church twice a week, and even teach Sunday school. I've dated guys since I was in high school, but I've never found the right man. Because of my religious beliefs, for years I refrained from having s**, because I believe that premarital s** is sinful.
The problem is that I've never found anyone who was marriage material. I'm no fashion model, but I'm decent looking. I'm a little thick in the hips/rear, with average b****, glasses, tall for a woman (6'2"), but I'm blonde, height/weight proportionate, and professional. The few guys that I liked always wanted to move too fast, or would get frustrated that I didn't let them in my pants. Eventually they would leave. The others left due to chemistry issues or because I was too religiously conservative.
I could feel the clock ticking, so this year I've bent my rules/faith. I actually dated a guy and screwed him on our second date. That was the day I finally lost my virginity. I admit that I really liked the s**. To have a moment like that fulfilled years of pent-up cravings for the flesh. I'm really h**** a lot of the time, which I hate. It was bad for the spirit though, as I felt soiled.
The guy who took my virginity has moved on, but a good female friend of mine offered to hook me up with a guy she knows from her work. I chatted with him and we had coffee together, and I like him. My female friend then suggested that we go on a double date with her and her boyfriend. She wants us all to go to the beach for a weekend. It sounds nice, but I get the sense that it will reek of sin. I know that my friend and her bf will be having s**, and my date will want it too. (My friend has always been a bit of a s***, btw.) Reluctantly, I said yes, so we're going next weekend.
Part of me wants to say yes to the Devil and just f*** all weekend and have o******, and part of me wants to resist. But I've resisted for so long and where has it gotten me? A lot of loneliness. This whole thing makes me conflicted. If I don't back out, I know that I will get laid, and in truth I will like it a lot, but it will be counter to everything I believe in my heart and soul. I might as well set up my appointment for confession to the priest in advance. This is a spiritual battle over which I feel little control.