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Really crappy attitude, and I am right most of the time
I confess that I have the most negative attitude, and I do not really care how most people view me and my behavior. Like some people enjoy cruelty, I enjoy being blunt, angry and nasty about situations that ** up. I have been hurt, and I do not care when others hurt most of the time, unless they admit to ** up. I have lost hope in most things, but I am trying to get my black belt in tae kwon do. This may be where I have to have some faith and hope. (I want to be more like my TKD master, not just by having the black belt; he is a person with integrity and class.) I do not like the idea of other people being happy with my appearance; I would rather have revenge. They should endure a frown and shut up. Most people do not matter to me unless they are useful and/or competent in something. I melt down when things go wrong. Most people judge me for it. (Judging me for that is judgment too, but most Christians find that acceptable.) My therapist says it is because of parental abuse (verbal and emotional).
I love using words that offend, like "trashy." People drop the f-bomb, and no one cares. My getting ** for the words "trashy" or "cold-**" (meaning "to hit") shows most people's hypocrisy. Those are not curse words; they are unfeminine. Horrors! Ha Ha! Conservative churches worship Yesterday half of the time and not God.
People who call me out in public about my negative attitude really have the same bad attitude about different things. I am 51 and never-married. Not much left in the way of men; this can be a blessing. I also have no children. I hurt, though; I wish it would go away.
I have a really bad coping mechanism that came out at work. It is God's miracle that I still have work. (I won the boss lottery.)
I am a Christian with huge problems, but I am the Christian telling the truth. When someone is talking happily nonstop, most of those people are lying half the time to project a positive image. He or she may be living a double life. Life is ** for a lot of people. When someone says they are praying, that is true only 1/2 of the time.
I've been through so much in life and never complain. However, I've never let their negative behaviors effect staying true to myself. I'm the kindest around.
Your therapist is wrong, It's not your parents fault. therapist always want someone to blame for how a person turns out, when in fact you are who you are because you choose to be that person. I understand what you are saying about the world being ** up. I deal with ** idiots everyday and I just want to grab them and ask them what the ** is wrong with you sometimes. I don't because I was give some advise by my professor when I was at university. He asked me one day why I was so mad. I told him this kid was so ** stupid I couldn't stand it. He then asked me if I was smarter than the other kid. I replied with ** yes. That is when he said well that is all the matters then. To this day I remember what he said and I get pleasure out of knowing that I am smarter than most people I deal with everyday.
You seem to have the same qualities as a functioning sociopath. That's fine. You've made it this far. It's who you are. Some have judged you as maybe pure **. Not understanding that you are sick of lies. You are sensitive to the importance of the truth. That is where the qualities of a sociopath show in you. You will not hold your tongue or put up with **. Those others wI'll make ** up and think it is fine. Even needed. To deal with their failures and secrets.