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Food, weight, abuse, lack of femininity, desire for revenge
I have a double mind. I do want men to talk to me when sane, and when I am really angry, I would rather they found me ugly. The latter usually happens anyway. I am 200 lbs., 5'1/2'', 51 years old, never-married for obvious reasons, blunt, female, possessing a physics degree, MBA and law degree. With most U.S. men, that is more than enough reason to stay away. The weight makes getting my dream, black belt in tae kwon do, harder to get. I need to grow a brain and lose some weight, but I remember and want revenge on my folks for the never-ending abuse on the subject growing up. They cannot shut up when I am around them. It is always something. I only see them on Christmas. I cannot have revenge. Living your best life is the closest thing. I am not satisfied with my life, and I do not think I can recover. I doubt that I even can marry. I am fat, blunt, angry and over 50. I guess I do not want to discover the truth of my beliefs if I lost the weight. I would rather be uncertain with the weight on. I would rather not know. That is why I have so little curiosity anyhow. My squishy body armor (fat) keeps me away from relationships. It is safer that way. So many men lie and cheat. I almost married one at 29. I was thinner then.
You have two degrees, so as there’s nothing wrong with your brain, there’s nothing you could read here that you don’t already know, if only you’d admit it.
Geniuses are actually more likely to benefit from psychotherapy, so go get yourself sorted, FFS.
Just dont visit your parents anymore. Just like you would remove your hand after touching a hot stove burner...you wouldnt purposely do it again. Right?
Keep away from the hurts.
Sometimes thats the best thing to do.
And dont feel bad about not being married and all.
You have more time for yourself, to do what you want to do.
Take it in strides and be safe.👍
People CAN change! You can choose to face those fears...and when you do, when you find yourself making even the slightest progress, you will feel yourself finding/taking your own power to have the life you want!
I starve my gf. If she eats without my permission I punish her. Keeps her skinny.
Stay single and get some cats. It's safer.............