Feeling sick in the stomach
I know I have a eating disorder where I get so down and depressed over the cruel fat labels as a child and rejections from men in my adult life, I turn to food, courses, building up bank accounts and creative things because people often let me down. I have yoyo weight. I went from a size 14 to a size 4 in 3 years and was kicked out of 2 gyms for loosing too much weight and I was enjoying life exercising regularly and sticking to a diet and motivated and by 2006 I got really down and put on some again then lost it and then just slowly started eating and putting on more and more weight and less exercise when the gym told me to f** off. people yelled at me and said I did not need to be on these specialised diets and that was when I felt down and gained weight and gave up on myself and life and career and men. I had spent a few years giving my best to everyone for nothing but abuse in return. now I am obese and had it. I gutted into some food tonight its like having a gun at my head just in another way. how do I get help? this bitchy manager who upsets me all the time. and I am not getting sales I thought I would it hurts. am I good enough , cuz if I was were are the clients right? I should not have eaten that sponge cake straight after dinner and now I am so sick. how do I stop this bad vicious abusive self hate and their abuse cycle?