Feeling sick in the stomach

I know I have a eating disorder where I get so down and depressed over the cruel fat labels as a child and rejections from men in my adult life, I turn to food, courses, building up bank accounts and creative things because people often let me down. I have yoyo weight. I went from a size 14 to a size 4 in 3 years and was kicked out of 2 gyms for loosing too much weight and I was enjoying life exercising regularly and sticking to a diet and motivated and by 2006 I got really down and put on some again then lost it and then just slowly started eating and putting on more and more weight and less exercise when the gym told me to f** off. people yelled at me and said I did not need to be on these specialised diets and that was when I felt down and gained weight and gave up on myself and life and career and men. I had spent a few years giving my best to everyone for nothing but abuse in return. now I am obese and had it. I gutted into some food tonight its like having a gun at my head just in another way. how do I get help? this bitchy manager who upsets me all the time. and I am not getting sales I thought I would it hurts. am I good enough , cuz if I was were are the clients right? I should not have eaten that sponge cake straight after dinner and now I am so sick. how do I stop this bad vicious abusive self hate and their abuse cycle?

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  • Call your doctor and be very honest with what is happening with you. Because really that is the only way they will know how to figure out how to help you. Eating disorders are actually diseases. You need to find a program that can help treat the disorder but also help with the lack of self esteem you have been feeling. The self hate you could try to work on yourself. It really can be about changing how you talk and think about yourself. Changing the I can't to I can or the I hate to the I love. Maybe look on amazon for a book to at least help with the mindset. You have to start somewhere right? You can't control someone else, but you can control how you react to someone or something. And you can control the people who you keep in your circle. Sometimes when you're not happy it's very easy to think that people are out to get you or situations don't seem fair. If you can change your attitude and think positively, you may be able to gain a different perspective and not let things get to you. Don't let this manager get to you. Do your best work and answer her with a smile. She is your superior, so you have to find someway to work with her. But if she's really out of line, begin to document your interactions with her.

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