I'm not eating because I want to be skinny.
I'm 4'11 and I used to weigh 110 lbs. My mom encouraged me to lose weight, so I ate less snacks and I walked places. Then I weighed 100 lbs and that's a "perfectly healthy weight". But I decided I wanted to be like all of the girls in the magazines.
I made my meals smaller, but I still ate all three. I lost weight. People started telling me how pretty and thin I was looking. I weighed 96 lbs. I told myself that I'd starve myself a little bit, but that it would be under control and I'd know when to stop.
Every time I reached a goal weight, I'd be satisfied for a day, then want to lose even more. It got harder and harder to lose weight - until I could barely eat anything at all.
I'm 4'11 and I weigh 90 lbs. My friends tell me I'm very skinny, but when I look at myself I see fat. Rolls of disgusting, overwhelming, extremely noticeable fat. When I eat, I picture a huge, grotesque being shoveling piles of fat and calories into her mouth. That's what food looks like to me now: piles of fat and calories. I'm scared to eat even the "healthy" things.
I know I have a problem, but I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want help. Help means eating more and gaining weight. Help means losing. Help means being fat.