I'm not eating because I want to be skinny.

I'm 4'11 and I used to weigh 110 lbs. My mom encouraged me to lose weight, so I ate less snacks and I walked places. Then I weighed 100 lbs and that's a "perfectly healthy weight". But I decided I wanted to be like all of the girls in the magazines.
I made my meals smaller, but I still ate all three. I lost weight. People started telling me how pretty and thin I was looking. I weighed 96 lbs. I told myself that I'd starve myself a little bit, but that it would be under control and I'd know when to stop.
Every time I reached a goal weight, I'd be satisfied for a day, then want to lose even more. It got harder and harder to lose weight - until I could barely eat anything at all.
I'm 4'11 and I weigh 90 lbs. My friends tell me I'm very skinny, but when I look at myself I see fat. Rolls of disgusting, overwhelming, extremely noticeable fat. When I eat, I picture a huge, grotesque being shoveling piles of fat and calories into her mouth. That's what food looks like to me now: piles of fat and calories. I'm scared to eat even the "healthy" things.

I know I have a problem, but I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want help. Help means eating more and gaining weight. Help means losing. Help means being fat.

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  • It doesn't work that way you'll f*** up ur metabolism and end up fatter than u could imagine

  • 110 is the perfect weight, if you ask me. You might get taller too. And what is fat anyway? I haven't seen you but people who are concerned like this are never fat.
    Your body thoughts/obsessive habits are not as important as the beautiful person that your not seeing. Yourself. Besides, you could be practicing at sports, singing, and stuff instead of worrying. This stuff just lowers your self esteem once you finish, and it takes years to get back along with a healthy body image. It's not worth it, and I've been through it... just be happy your healthy, I don't know you and I'm glad you are:)
    --believer

  • I'm 18 and haven't grown an inch in years, but thank you.

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