25 and living life to my expectations

I’m 27 years old male. I admit I take good care of my hygiene as far as hit eyebrows skin nails etc but I’m straight. 5 years ago I got my bachelors degree I work a great job make 6 figures yearly. Single no gfs never have had. I enjoy trips and living life with friends and family. Majority of my friend circle consists of woman and other half males, they mostly know me as a confident dude successful young etc life of the party with a good mentality and head on my future. Recently my family as far as father and brothers sisters and mother have been inquiring when I’m going to get married etc. in December of 2017 I purchased me first home with a more than enough down payment in the suburbs worth 300k I own my dream cars pay my bills and can afford to still live life good. My middle sister is gay she has everything going for herself her partner is smart going to school to get a degree they live alone been together for 5 years! After years and years of enjoying life I’ve came to a realization that I envy my sisters relationship , few months ago I was shock that my circle of friends was mutual to my sisters partner most y’all so great about her as far as being smart funny charismatic etc and I admit I’m jealous of her. Recently my father asked me when was I going to settle down and “grow up” have kids etc. he asked if I was gay and that bothered me but at the end of the day I question wether I am or not because I find myself extremely attracted to my sisters partner who from afar is very masculine and what would
Be my type if I didn’t know she was a woman. I’ve had sexual encounters but I find it difficult to date since now it’s hard to find a genuine person who loves you for you not because you have great income or the car you drive. I moved afar from my family to find myself amongst my friends thinking I was alone far from family so I could live my
Life the way I wanted but in reality turns out my sister and her gf are my next door neighbors living only blocks away. Now I’ve held up this anger towards my sister I’m starting to think I need psychological help or I just envy her happiness and the fact that she’s opened about being gay and my parents accepted her now. Thus if I were to come out as gay which I think I am idk I deny it too much lol if I were to come out as gay my dad would freak out taking into consideration he landed me my job in the same company he’s at , he also helped me out in buying my home and he admires my work ethic of getting a degree blah blah blah I’m scared that my father and mother will forget they have a son since to my family I’m known as the “educated good boy” I’d have to be a closeted me but since I live near my sister I feel I’m scared to be caught in a lie. Most of my friends are getting married having kids etc sometimes I feel like selling my home in he market and moving afar again but I feel like it’s too late. Like if I can’t hide anymore because I feel as if my gfs sister has an idea of what I am maybe what they call “gaydar” why would I envy her ? She never did anything to me she’s successful or is it because I’m scared my circle of friends might one day tell her certain things that she can hold against me I’ve been a horrible person to her making her feel less not welcoming her to my home, or downgrading her because she didn’t have a degree and I regret every bit of it, a few weeks ago I seen her at a grocery store I stoped like if I seen the Holy Ghost but I forgot I live here and it’s okay to be open to be you in the neighborhood but since I’ve been a horrible person to her I felt like she uncovered my whole truth. I regret everything I did the way I acted with her etc but my pride won’t let me apologize because my weakness is I’m actually envious of her for being so freaking confident in who she is . My friends sometimes inquire when I’m getting married I’m getting my the age where I can’t go on trips anymore because my friends have wife’s etc. I can’t lie any longer what can I do... besides coming out or getting caught and a lie and risk loosing my Relationship with my strict father whom gave me
This job gave me my career and my support who admires me and loves me for being successful. I’m risking all I’ve got besides being 30 and not
Being married to a woman with kids. I don’t see myself getting married ever. I always say...

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  • Just forget all i said ok. its clowie and leah is here. we love you and shannon text us and says helo xxxxx

  • It is doing it again.

  • Clowie is scare me kk xxx and she is drink and you no my aunt died kk and funeral tomoro xxx

  • That is awesome news 👍. I love you so much.

  • You better find us and we love you. l wont lie i took drink and makes me happy. leah wants too talk ok and hope you dont hate me xxxxx

  • Clowie I do not hate you. Here are some more hugs.

  • My aunts funrel is tomoro also kk and i feel bad kk clowies my best friend kk xxx

  • Hi and wish you were here kk and clowie is my besty and she is cry and has bottle with her kk xxx

  • Well the good thing is you did not break it.

  • Im get clowie to sleep and she is drink again kk and she is my best friend and is so nice and ny aunts funrel is tomoro if you new clowie you would say she is the best kk and she does allways look out for me xxx

  • Im here and my head hurts alot. leah is sleeping and im very sorry. l am going with leah too her aunts funrel. her mom is picking us up later and thank you. leah was a bit mad at me ok. but she was looking after me and i feel bad now. your so good huggs xxxxx

  • Having a hang over is not any fun. I have had those days before.
    Leah is a great friend to have. Be careful girls.

  • You no leah is lazy bones and still in bed. we missed you yesterday and hope you are talking too us. love you xxxxx

  • We want too talk with you and we love you. shannon text us and says she loves you too xxxxx

  • Im back with leah and we love you xxxxx

  • Were still here xxxxx

  • Were not gone yet xxxxx

  • Clowie is drunk right?

  • What do you mean kk xxx

  • Thanks and i dont drink alot. lt just makes me feel good. leah wants too say hello xxxxx

  • Its clowie here ok and thanks for being super nice. leah is here and we are looking for you. thanks for given me the huggs ok. leah loves you and so do i xxxxx

  • Hellllllo

  • You need to be opened with yourself and accept you for who you really are in the end you’ll eventually get discovered by lying or someone will find out sooner than later truth comes to light my friend

  • I gave up - you write too much - have a great life I guess

  • So sadness and anger and jealousy are not going to help you be yourself

  • The question is,does he itch his bum then smell his fingers?

  • Batty Boy

  • Yoyr definitely gay dude accept it............

  • First off the envy part just screams your gay. With all respect o think you should apologize to your sisters partner nobody deserves to get treated less because you don’t have this or that. Secondly it sounds like you’ve faked the entire time your one of those guys who’s a mom and dad’s boy because you do what they say now your scared to come out so you find it was okay to treat torches les because of what YOU have! Thirdly you need help man you’ve built this fancy lifestyle in your head that only you believe is true if your sisters partner is gay im 100% sure she can sense your gaydar! You were already rude to her from the get go. Your 30 you don’t owe your job or career to your father yes he helped you but that’s that. Live life the way you want!

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