She is Nothing But a Stalker

I have turned into someone that I hate. Ever since I was little I always became obsessive with older people who showed kindness to me and looked after me. Like teachers at school, pastors, anyone who had a forty over me. It became worse over the years. Especially when I joined social media. It started out harmless. I would stalk anyone who I looked up to. I became so good that I could find anyone on social media, even sometimes where they lived. My friends always joked how I could be in the FBI because I was just way too good at it. I only ever did it because these people made me feel like I mattered. When I was 14, I learnt about catfishing. I didn't see anything wrong about it. Everyone around me did it, so why not join them? What I didn't know was how illegal it is and how awful it is to be on the other side of the picture. The first person I ever catfished was my PE teacher. I never would message her off the account so I thought that it wasn't wrong just sending a request on Instagram... Then it got to the point where I was an absolute pro at catfishing. I would catfish the odd person here and there. It was never about trying to destroy them or blackmail. I had a 2-year-old account that was full of pictures from overtime. It looked way too real. I ended up stopping it because I knew that I shouldn't be braking peoples privacy. At 12 I starting having really bad mental health issues. March this year I got put into respite (its a place where you have a break from home and hang out with staff there). I stayed every second weekend. While I was there I meet this really cool chick who we will call Jenny. Jenny broke a few rules for me. She would sneak me chocolate and take me out and buy me lunch with her own money and let me use my phone occasionally. At this place, you aren't allowed lollies or phones. I could tell I was starting to become obsessed with her. One night, I was at my friend's house and we were drinking. We meet threw the respite. I got into my old catfish account and we were so surprised it was still there. We managed to find her on Insta and requested her. She accepted the request. We were following each other for a week which I actually completely forgot about the account. I went back to respite for my weekend and Jenny and I was making dinner. Out of know where she brings up this catfish account. My whole body went into shock. She never asked if it was me and I just tried to change the subject. When I got home I went to go and delete the account and found that she blocked me on it and also my personal account. I felt so bad. Not because I got caught but because I knew I ** up. Sadly, it didn't end there. I had to go to the hospital and wait in the emergency department as I was really sick. Then her partner and her family walk in. They sit right behind me and start whispering about me and then started kicking my seat in. All I wanted to do was to cry. When I was free to go, Jenny turned up. I sat outside with my friend and told her. Then Jenny and her partner walkout. She acknowledges my friend and death stares me. My friend confronted her and she pretended like she didn't know who I was. I then got banned from that respite. A month later I stupidly made a fake facebook account and requested Jenny. She then messaged me and ask if I knew her and I just said no sorry wrong add and blocked her. I tried to just shut everything down because I knew how much this was clearly affecting her. A few months pass and my bestie (whos, not my friend now) told me that he knows this girls social media passwords who we will call Holly. My bestie and I went onto Holly's accounts and then my bestie requested Jenny without me knowing! All of a sudden Jenny comments on Holly's photo asking if she knew me. I quickly un added her from the account. That night Jenny messaged Holly asking about me and **. I ran straight to my mum and told her everything. I then just logged out of her account and tried to let it go. 2 nights ago I got a phone call late at night from No Caller ID. I picked it up and the person asked who I am and I said my name and then I realised it was Jenny. She started yelling about the facebook account and I hung up. I once again ran to my mum as at the same time I was being catfished by someone and we both assumed it was Jenny. My mum ended up messaging Jenny on her Facebook and Jenny called me out to be nothing but a stalker that is making her unsafe and has informed the police. What I didn't know is that my friend from respite gave her screenshots about me doing it. Not only that but my friend told Jenny that apparently I made fake accounts pretending to be her and that there were a lot more accounts which were not true. Honestly, I hate myself. I feel like the world is against me and I just want to die. I hate that such a little thing turned into something so big. I wish I wasn't a stalker and I wish I was normal.

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