My husband and I walked in on my mom the other day, She knew we were planning on coming today but apparently wasn't expecting us until around supper time, We opened the front door and walked in on her.
So there is my 48 year old mom on her back on the couch, legs in the air and all I see is some dudes bum, B**** and my moms but, I didn't even mean to but I screamed and she screamed, He screamed and I don't know what the h*** my husband was doing but this dude pulls out, Stands up and my mom put her feet on the floor and she is like all F'ed up and she is trying to sit up but her movements are all jerky.
She is laying there all on display and s*** and I'm like "MOM, Close your legs for f*** sakes", I don't swear at or around or to my mom so she knew I was seriously...I don't know, whatever, She clamped her knees shut and put her hands on the couch lifting herself up so yeah then her...b**** are on display, My husband is laughing, This dude is standing there with his weiner out and staring at my husband who is a pretty big guy so he is looking kind of scared and on the defensive which afterward I was like "what the h*** was he gonna do" to my husband and my husband laughed and said "He was just ready to defend himself, It was a bit of a tense situation and he was caught off guard".
At first I don't know what I was thinking and I was angry but I had no reason to be, It's none of my business and she is a grown woman who has been single since I was a baby so realizing we had walked in on a fully consentual situation that we were the intruders I said "Uh, Ok, We are...Leaving...Uh...I guess we will come back later", Mom of course was like "No, No, Stay" as they scrambled to gather up their clothes and as mom sprints out of the room I look at my husband and he is watching her, I elbow him and he is like "Whaaaaa" and I said "Now" pointing at the door.
We leave and get in the car, We drive off and I am staring at him, He looked over and said "What?", I said "Really?, Really?, I have to tell you that checking out my mom...My mother, Your mother in law...Is...Is...just...Wrong", He laughed which just made me more angry and later i appologized but i was like "Don't talk to me", He alughed and said "Where are we going?", I said "The mall". We parked and went in and I went into a fav store of mine and after like two minutes I came out and said "I can't do this" and walked straight down to the restaurant and ordered two shots and a double ceasar.
I pounded my shots and guzzled half my ceasar then looked at my husband and that was the first words he had said to me since we sat down, He said "Feeling better" I took a deep breath, centered myself and said "OK, so I have no reason to be upset, I am sorry, I don't know why I freaked out...Your behaviour was...Inappropriate but...Whatever", He laughed and said "Ok, Don't turn this into you being angry at me, All I did was carry your f****** suitcase", I said "And stare at my mother naked the whole time", He shrugged and said "Hey, She is a good looking woman, Where do you think you get it from", Eventually I did calm down and asked him if he thought it was safe to go back, it had been two hours and with him being the wonderful guy he is and always knowing the right thing to say he shrugged and said "I don't know, How much stamina do you think he has...By now I would have been done, changed the oil in the car and rotated the tires", D******, I just shook my head at him and said "Just frickin drive".
We got there and he said "Do you want me to go peek in the window", I was like "F*** you're gross...No I don't", We walked up and rang the doorbell, Stood outside until she sheepishly opened the door and let us in, My husband dispappeared to the backyard and my mother and I had a discussion against my protests and telling her I didn't want to know but apparently he lives 3 doors down and they met just from being outside doing yard work, He started coming over to visit and it just happened...For the last 3 months and she never said anything.
I appologized profusely for my reaction and behaviour and she accepted then asked if my husband had seen everything and I said "uhhh...Yeah, he was standing right beside me", she said "Oh yeah, sorry I was...Distracted". She appologized to my husband when he finally did come in and all he said was "Hey, it's your house, I am sorry we walked in unannounced" and then he avoided the subject.
well from now on I know to ring the doorbell anyway.