Miscarried :(

I miscarried our twins at 10 weeks. I went to the dr for a check up after feeling a sharp pain in my stomach earlier that morning and a weird “labor feeling episode” I had on the toilet. I get to the dr and she took me back to us and the tech looked disturbed and needed to get out of the room. She rushed my us in silence. I just knew something was wrong. I was sent to a room where the dr came in and asked if she could assist me with delivering the embryos/tiny fetus. In my mind, 30 min ago I was happily preg with twins and all of a sudden my doctor is telling me they passed and needs to remove them to prevent infection (in office d&c). As I laid there on the table a hemmorage erupted I started to bleed heavy and I felt like I was going to faint. She hadn’t even started the procedure. She called in nurses to help catch the blood with extra puppy pads. My husband sat across the room in shock of everything happening around him. I really wanted him to stand by me and hold my hand but “he was good” (his words). The dr did the procedure, shoved a pill up my hiney to eventually stop the bleeding, and sent me home. We got out to the car and I lost it. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that had just happened. My babies are gone. My husband was just calm and not crying. I had driven separately but we were in his car a minute. He said “sorry babe...you need to get out of my car. I have to get back to work now, you need to go home”. I was so heart broken and needed him in that moment. I asked him to take the rest of the day to be with me and he said he was too busy. I begged again. A piece of my soul had just been removed from my body. He said “I need to be away from you right now”. That stung so hard. I did all I could do to compose myself, I jumped out of his car and into mine and literally lost my marbles. I cried so hard I couldn’t see or breathe. I rushed home. I shouldn't have driven. I was losing so much blood from everything that just happened too and felt like I was going to pass out, I lost my babies, and my husband was mad at me. This was seriously the lowest part of my life. I hadn’t told family about the pregnancy so I didn't have their support. My bff had a newborn and couldn't be there for me. I had no one. I never wanted to disappear or die more than ever than in that point in time.

Months have passed and I’ve grieved the loss of my babies and understand it could have been a abnormality of the cells and they self purged (or some other natural unknown cause). However, Im struggling to see my husband the same way I saw him before. I love him so much and I felt like that day, he showed me how much he loved me too which apparently not much. He never seemed to be disturbed, sad, etc. he didn't even try to be there for me, give me someone to talk to, cry to...northing. I couldn't get him to talk either. It has been months and his actions that day still cause me to cry myself to sleep most nights. I cant get over it. He convinced me he was sorry and he got me pregnant again and he has tried to be more supportive this time. With covid- he cant come to my appts so he treats me like Im not really pregnant. He isnt seeing the us or hearing the dr. I have previa which is a serious condition. Like me and baby could die and he seems the least bit interested and says I am being dramatic. Im at a loss. Before being pregnant he had me on a throne and treated me like a queen. When Im pregnant he treats me like second class. I don't understand. I didnt impregnant myself. Im 16 weeks along and not showing yet. Im hoping when I pop he will take it more serious.

No one knows my whole story irl and I have no one to talk to so I thought I would dish here. Be kind. This is a hard situation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Jul 14, 2020

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