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Eating
I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.
I read through your posts. I am not going to pick what I think you are going to choose. I am going to say you have already chosen to eat yourself even fatter. I know, I've done it as well. You like it "eating my way into pigdom". You want it, you like the shame that comes with eating yourself fatter & fatter.
"I want to bury myself under so many layers of thick heavy fat that I become completely immobile, a wheezing pile of lard struggling just to breath under my own immense weight, Ok? I admit it. That is what I want".
I feel that way also & tried to fight it, but just got fatter & fatter & god it turned me on, which made me just eat more. I had to gain more weight, add more fat, get bigger & bigger, surround myself in luscious, soft fat. To eat & eat & eat, knowing I was adding more & more weight made me wet, I would ** thinking how fat I getting.
I have found a loving feeder that can't resist my desire to gain more beautiful fat. I had him playing with my 580lbs of fat & feeding me within 20mins of our first face to face meeting. I have him where I want him, fattening me endlessly now weighing 812lbs & immobile, but I'm not fat enough! I need to keep gaining, add more & more fat to this beautiful body, get as fat as I can, be the fattest woman ever!
I call BS!
I don't know if it's BS or not, but I do wonder if that's where I'm headed. God, I kind of really hope it is.
You want it don't you? To get fatter & fatter. I called BS, but it might not, it just read like feeder fiction a bit. Although only the other day saw a woman that has eaten herself up to 834lbs, she is massive & wants to gain even more!
Yes! I mean, no. I don't want it. I need it. I want a normal life. I want to shop for pretty little dresses and fit behind my steering wheel, but that life is over. It is gone and buried under hundreds of pounds of useless flab. Now I need more. I need so much more of me.
Not BS honey. It can be hard to believe, but I am so turned on, even obsessed with my own fat as I got bigger. So much so that I want/need to get even fatter.
Yes! This exactly! I am completely obsessed, addicted, whatever you want to call it. I can not stop. I need to keep feeding, keep gorging myself fatter. You're almost twice my size and still want to grow which is crazy because I'm a tub and a half. It's so hard to explain, but I get it and I need it. I need what you and that other guy's wife have.