I hate my father

I hate my “father” so much, sometimes I wish he had died when he had septic shock a few years ago. All he does is bully my mom and I. I just can’t do it anymore. Every time he’s brought up I feel nothing other than anger it’s either that or I just feel nothing. All I can do when I’m in the car and he calls my mom is stare blankly in front of me and wish I was dead. I always wonder, why me? I didn’t do anything. I’m just a kid but no one gets that. They think just because I’m smart means I can take the weight of the world. I. Just. Can’t. And my makes me feel like a failure every time I just can’t. He tells me “be more responsible” when it was his responsibility. I just don’t get it, I’m only a teenager. I don’t deserve this and neither does my mom. When he’s in a bad mood he just yells at anyone in his way, I’m sick of being f****** lied to. I know there’s a rifle under my parents bed and it makes me scared that he’s gonna get angry and just shoot my mom, me, and my dog. He has no purpose. He’s just sad and miserable he has no job and no motivation. My only reason to keep going is so I never end up like him. So lifeless, heartless, abrasive, narcissistic, mean, and ugly. The only man who’s ever been a father to me is my current math teacher. He’s so kind, funny, caring, and gentle and just the polar opposite of my dad. Why can’t he be like that? Why can’t my mother relate to Love by Taylor Swift? Why me? I have so many questions that I’ll never find the answers to. I’m pretty sure that he’s rapped my mom. He’s just a lonely bigot who’s a f****** man child. He needs me but don’t need him. I’m gonna find someone some day who might actually treat me well. He doesn’t love me he just loves the idea of a child. And I don’t love him, I love my dad. I lost anything I had left of a dad 10 years ago. I’m just tired and angry.

19 days

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  • I’m sorry you had to go through this. Your birth father sounds like a narcissistic asshat. NPD to be exact narcissistic personality disorder. Please know you didn’t deserve this, I pray you create a life for yourself that is happy, peaceful, secure, and freeing of painful memories 💙

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