Relationship advice

Just looking for plain old advice if anyone wants to read and maybe help;

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year now, and next September she’s going to university. Thing is, she has applied for mainly universities that are a long way from me. Like 4/5 of them are pretty much 2-3 hours away, and the one that’s like an hour way is her last choice or something. Like I always told her not to think of me when choosing her universities, because her future is most important, but now it seems I’m regretting my own advice.

She thinks that we’ll be fine, that the distance won’t be a problem, at least for her she’s okay with it and says she’d love me no matter what. And I believe her, her view is so innocent, but also naive. I’ve seen it happen so many times, not many relationships last through university when you’re so far away. I’m not scared that she’d fall in love with someone else, but I don’t think personally that I would be okay with barely seeing her for 3-4 years. I think we would grow distant and even if we didn’t, it’s unbearable to see her too little. I’m young and I wanna live my life with her, we’re too young to spend months and years apart while keeping loyal in a relationship.

But I can’t tell her that. I mean how could I? I can’t tell her to choose me over her education, over her career path and future, it’s too selfish. I think if she did choose to leave very far away we would break up, but if I told her that’s what I thought, she’d get scared and feel guilty and choose a place closer, somewhere she didn’t want to go originally just so we’d stay together.

And I hate either option, I don’t see an ideal future here. I don’t think there is a solution honestly, so if you can’t give advice then just feel free to share similar stories if you have any, I’m sure it’ll help me look at things different or something. Thanks

Jan 16

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  • Your original impulse, to let her do what she needs for her future, is the right move here. Do your best to be a supportive boyfriend, see he on whatever weekends you can, give her the space and time to study and grow and stay emotionally available for her. Meanwhile ignore the responses here that only talk about the sexual component: They're d****.
    The hard part of the advice is they may be correct. She may grow away for you and may develop some other relationship. You need to always be honest with her and explain that it's best she stay honest and open to you. She may move on; that's realistic, so you need to consider what will happen to you if she does. Also consider what will be appropriate if she doesn't.
    Have you considered moving to follow her if she goes far...?

  • Let her make her own choice. Then accept the fact that she will f*** quite a large number of guys while she is at college. After college ask her to marry you, if she accepts get her to tell you about all the guys that f***** her. It will keep you h**** and you will always want to have s** with her.

  • I'm a female and currently 26 years old. I don't know if this helps but I once had a high school sweetheart boyfriend before I left for college 200miles away. He didn't attend college, he decided to do trade so he could work at his dad's HVAC company. We agreed to try the 'long distance' thing because he was renovating his grandparents house that he was given. The goal was for us to get married after I graduate with my teaching degree.
    Unfortunately for him, I discovered I was bi-sexual during my college years. I'd kissed a few girls in high school but never did anything further. I experienced s** with one of my sorority sisters and that changed everything. I guess you could say I tried to 'string' him along for the first year but eventually my emotions took over during Christmas break and I had to break up with him. I also had to let my parents know. They took it the hardest because they're bible thumping people.
    Looking back, I could have easily started having feeling toward another guy too and would have had to break up.
    My advise would be for the both of you to agree to a 'relationship pause'.
    Or have the understanding 'what happens in college stays at college' because I'll also admit I cheated and also had s** with three different guys my first semester.
    College parties are amazing and there is unlimited pot and alcohol.
    Sorry to break this to you but accept reality.

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