Im young. i know dont judge

So like me and my bestfriend overdosed on oct 31 2021. And since then my mental health has gone down. Alot. Now ye was it an attempt at unaliving ourselves. Yes. What did we tell our parents? Well naturally we thought it would work and we'd idk like die in our sleep. But no. no no. I woke up throwing up like every 5 minutes. Now, im not gonna bore you will the details but lets just say i went to the hospital. Since he is much bigger than me he didnt go. But anyways we just kept saying it was an accident. And we didnt know what would happen. An experiment. Now i live with guilt that i should have told the truth. And if i did my parents would know everything. About my self harm. And the fact that evertime i go to therapy i dont tell her anything of what im actually feeling. But my family still jokes about my overdose. "Oh no dont let her get her hands on those, she'll overdose AGAIN" or just s*** like that. My older sister always calls me the disappointment of the family. Im only 13 and i want to not be here anymore. Im literally a fetus. And i thought i was getting better. I hadn't self harmed for like 2 months. I hadnt missed school since end of november. I was doing so well. Now i just cant. I cut for the first time in 2 months today. Now, im not gonna like kms just yet. And im not like planning to this week. Or next week. Maybe in the far future like may. May is a nice time. idk and the ONE person who knows about EVERYTHING. Is my bestfriend. And i know i shouldnt depend on people. But like, hes the only person keeping me going. Ik he struggles with his mental health as well. But we only have eachother. If he dies i die. If i die he dies. Its lowkey gonna be like a domino affect. I love him im afraid to lose him. I HATE LIFE AND EVERYTHINGGG. i feel unterly alone exept him and im not even aloud to hangout with him. I dont have my phone 90% of the time. We are eachothers only friend. If i could just tell my therapist everything. I know a huge weight would be off my shoulders. But i just CANT. My parents CANT know. If they knew i selfed harmed or how i hate evrything about myself. ORRR how i used to pretend to hang myself with a rope outside and wrap it around my neck till i couldnt see and my whole body felt heavy. I havnt done it since summer. But damn if anyone knew i did that id be sent to a mental hospital. Im sure of it.

Jan 20

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  • I'm 14 and I've had suicidal thoughts, although I've never attempted, so I can sort of relate

  • I’m sorry

  • Aww im sorry. but did u get pregneat or just drank some
    beer wine or anything like that?

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