I'm trying to coerce my friend into committing suicide
For as long as I can remember I have enjoyed having control over others. The sense that I have the power to change the life of another in any way that I choose. It's intoxicating. I'm certain many reading this will feel the same as I do.
I was a dreadful child. I would scream, attack others and break things for the pettiest of reasons. As time went on my mother's patience and warmth grew less and less as I continued in my ways.
I decided one day for a change. I acted the way I was supposed to. I made the effort to be kind, to be calm, to be behaved. I kept this up for two weeks. During this time, after her initial confusion, my mother seemed to believe that I had turned a new leaf. She now seemed to think that I was becoming just like any other child and that my erratic behavior was something I was growing out of. I don't know why I did any of this.
In school one day a girl giggled as I tripped. I had had enough of the act that I was keeping up. I pounced on the girl, punching her as I held her throat. A teacher quickly ran over and pulled me off of her. I started kicking and punching him too. It took two more teachers to drag me into a school office.
My mother was called. The principal berated both of us. Her parenting skills were questioned, being asked multiple times how she could let her son act this way. She sat silently after initially trying to defend herself.
In the car my mother cried for the first time. Usually when I misbehaved she was angry, but this time she seemed to have just given up. I didn't say a word during the journey home. I just sat and listened as she sobbed.
And I loved it.
I felt like I had such dominance over her. This extreme reaction was of my doing: the first ever time I had seen her cry was because of me. I liked this power that I now felt. This power has been something I have craved for ever since.
As I became a teenager I found more and more ways to gain this power. All of them would follow a basic template. A template that I had discovered whenever I made my mom cry. I would build the the target up and up and up. Once the urge got too strong, I would knock them right back down without warning.
I would kill cats after feeding them for months. I would enter into relationships with girls to simply dump them and blame them after I had f***** them. I would find shy people and help them to build up their confidence, before coming up with some way to embarrass them in front of the school year.
These little "operations" have continued after all these years. And yet in spite of them I have managed to keep a circle of friends. They are of course hidden from them (for obvious reasons). I can't really say I like any of them, but they're beneficial to me.
One person in this circle has formed a close attachment to me. I didn't intend this to happen, but yet I found him confiding in me his deepest secrets. One of these secrets that I was told a few months ago was that he has depression.
His parents died a few years ago just before he had graduated high school. While he appeared to get better over time, he's just hid his emotions more and more as I have found out. In telling me all of this he has made a fatal mistake.
Slowly as the weeks have passed I have excluded the two of us from the rest of the group. I told him the others have been saying nasty things about him, that they have arranged plans without us, that some have even confided in me that they don't really want him around. "These aren't the type of people I want to hang about with" I said naturally.
This circle of friends were the only people he knew well. He doesn't go to college and his job doesn't require him to meet others often. I am the only person he talks to regularly. From here I have been whittling him down.
In our conversations I offer him no hope for the future under the pretense of me being honest with him (which I guess you could say I am). I drop in little comments here and there that knock a certain aspect of his life. This, among other techniques, has had a very visible impact on him.
He doesn't sleep or eat much anymore. All of our conversations now revolve around his sadness. Physically he looks nothing like the way he did when I first met him. In the coming days I am going to fall out with him. I am going to invite him over to my apartment and let him sleep here for the night. Once he leaves in the morning I will accuse him of stealing from me. This will be the catalyst for me pushing him over the edge. This is when I will tell him over the phone to kill himself. I will tell him he's lost the only person that cared for him, that he's pathetic to try and use someone like that. I will tell him he's a liar that deserves no sympathy. I have read suicide in males is usually a very spontaneous act. Hopefully the phone call he will receive will be enough to make him do it.
My urge for him to die has become unbearable. I have waited and worked months and months for this. The power that I have over him is amazing. I have shaped his life in the way I have wanted, and now I will shape his death. I don't know what I will do once he's gone, I probably won't be able to accomplish anything close.
I am proud of this achievement. I want as many of you as possible to be disgusted by what you have read. Plead with me, phone the police, contact the admins. I don't care. You are powerless in any attempt to save this man's life. I'm not.