Never ever getting back together

A long time ago, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart who was 2 years younger than me. I swear my senior year of high school was great with him. When I went off to college, one time when we hung out…my college wasn’t far away. He told me he wanted to marry me. We started to talk about the future together. Making plans. Alas we experience a lot of growing pains within our relationship and ourselves that cut too deep and affected our mental health. Especially when he committed emotional infidelity, it was heartbreaking. I tried so hard to make us work. One day after having a mental health scare and serious need to focus on myself and life. I felt free. He came back and we tried to see if the relationship would work. I decided to end it. I told him that I don’t think I can marry you anymore. At that time, there was another person who would be my husband that I wanted to see where it would go. Ended it. Now married and 2 children later. I sometimes wonder what happened to him and if I continued the relationship. At the same time, I am relieved I didn’t continue. I had so many amazing life experiences with my husband along with trials that I don’t regret it.

I saw him. At a kid event. With a baby carrier with a small baby. I knew he married and had a son. I saw him and he had another child. Two children. I saw his wife at a distance. I know he saw me, since I was looking for my husband and our other son. He saw my two sons. At one point, he saw my oldest having a tantrum and hitting me….great. Since that day, I can’t stop thinking of him. I sent a Facebook message and don’t think he will read it. I noticed he hasn’t read my messages when I sent him when we were dating.

I am happy for him. Sometimes a part of me wish we could be friends bc he is funny. At the same time. We were each other firsts. So don’t think it’s possible. Plus he worked at Starbucks across the street from my previous job after we broke up and told my now husband at that time. Plus he randomly text me few years later. I know that door is closed. It’s opening good, what ifs, sad, and angry feelings and thoughts. Life moves on. As they say.

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