I'm not good with love

I am 22 and up until recently I'd never been kissed. I was never very interested in relationship and am used to begging for other people's affection and time without regard of my own intrests, this combination kind of put me off trying to ever get a boyfriend.
Recently I went out with a guy just out of curiosity, we had a nice time and by the end of the night he kissed me. He asked me what I was thinking and I was upfront and told him that before I'd never kissed anyone. He asked me a few things about my romantic life and I answered because it was fair enough. We kissed more and we talked more and he seemed to be interested. The day after the date I had a vacation planned and just as I was coming back he also had a vacation planned so we wouldn't have been able to see each other for a month. His vacation was a study trip to America of three weeks and since admittedly I developed quite a crush on him I chose to keep in contact with him while he was away. In the past three weeks he'd occasionally post on instagram pictures of the places he was visiting but onece in a while he would also post in his stories pictures with this American girl he probably met while there. At the beginning I was just thinking she was a friend he made while there but the last times I saw her in the stories they were always alone.
I know I get attached too easily but this whole thing is really making my chest hurt, I don't want to lash out at him because we really only went on one date and that's it so I'm fully aware that it meant close to nothing and that he can go out with whoever he wants, but I have to admit I really got my hopes up.
A few days ago I asked him if he'd be up to go watch a movie together, I knew it would be a stretch to ask simply beacause in the days the film is out he told me even before leaving that he was quite busy with work. He told me he'd like to but wasn't sure he could make it work with the stuff he has to do. I know I must sound very desperate saying this but part of me still kind of wishes we will go see the movie and that that girl was just some random person he didn't develop feelings for.
I really don't know what to do with romantic feelings and every time I give them a chance it seems to always make me regret everything...

Jul 24

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  • It gets easier! lashing out is a bad idea, chilling out is a good idea.

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