Overeating Disorder Ruining My Life...

I am an 18 year old female and have been struggling with my diet for a little less than two years. Within the last year, I have been addicted to eating food. I usually would indulge in "healthy food," but no matter what, I would keep on eating and eating until my back was cramped, my stomach was stretched out of proportion as if I were pregnant, and stuffed to the point of vomiting. I remember in the spring of my junior year in high school that I promised myself that I'd try to not make a pig of myself and eat throughout my spring break. I actually succeeded. That was my first experience with fasting. After that, I wondered what it would be like if I only ate salads for meals, or whenever I got hungry, and began to exercise. So, I tried that and got addicted to exercise because it made me feel so good. I was unbelievably losing weight like crazy, even though I wasn't fat (I weighed about 127, and I'm 5'6) and I was fitting into clothes I had always wanted to wear. It was fascinating to me because I had never been a really "skinny" girl. I liked it. I cut mostly all carbs out of my diet, if I could help it, and would exercise off my meals if I could. My parents began to realize I was looking quite twiggy, because I had gotten down to about 112 lbs. I thought I looked good, but I know it was because my mom was jealous that she couldn't lose any weight. I basically wanted to do something that would make me proud of myself...because my life was so out of control...and that was the one thing I had control of...my diet. Well, I just wish I could go back to the person I used to be back then... because I've turned into a monster. I eat everything that is in sight...not only did I put carbs back into my diet when my mother gave me an ultimatum (back in the summer before my senior year)to either start eating a lot or go to the hospital. i chose eat more. But she made me eat so much...it really messed my routine up. I put peanut butter, cereal, pasta, nuts, oils, and all that back into my diet... instead of eating about only 500 calories a day (I worked the other 500 off during exercise).It was okay for a while because I kept exercising regularly and a lot... but I used to hide it because my mom wouldn't allow me to anymore. But after a while, I got lazier...and felt like sitting on the couch eating bowl after bowl after bowl...of whatever. Then, later in the year, before I graduated high school, I started eating refined sugar...and that really screwed me over. I started staying home from school, because I'd be so sick from the night before...I started throwing up after binging on usually sugary treats, and exercise was never enough..so it was discouraging..all my favorite clothes didn't fit anymore...and it made me an angrier person. I used to be so happy and lighthearted because I knew I was thin. It made me happy. Not only that, I used to have really bad acne, and was on medication for it for a long time, and I read that if you don't eat sugar (carbs and refined sugar) then your skin will improve. Mine did improve.... a lot. It just gave me such good results...and now I am sitting here...my stomach full of everything I could find in my house to eat...until I leaned over my toilet, about to puke, and told myself..."No...you've got to fix this. You've got to end this once and for all." I have been saying this to myself for so long. I really want to end this madness...this aching...I mean, I sacrificed a wonderful evening with my boyfriend to pig out...by the time he called to ask me to hang out, I had already began my binge...and was too full to work out...so I said "No." This is a problem. I want to be a better person and girlfriend. I need help getting there, though. I am asking for anyone's help...any advice...please, help me be who I used to be...I don't want to feel this desperate anymore...this horrible and disgusting...I wish there was just a reset button for when you do things that you regret...Please.


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  • I feel like I am going through the same thing. Even our weights and weight loss an re gain is the same. If you need sometime to txt when you need support I would love to be that person! I've been thinking of going to therapy but I don't know if that will help

  • When I saw this post, I felt like I was reading my own story. I'm a bit older than you, 27, but can empathize completely because I also suffer from emotional eating. You feel so out of control because your emotions are what controls you. And each and every day you waste feeling weighed down by food is a day you could have enjoyed feeling good about yourself. I had an eating problem in high school that caused noticeable weight gain as i stressed over peer pressure and being accepted. Then in college I dropped about 15 pounds because I was so active and consistently ate a normal number of calories. I was really really happy at that time, and not solely because I was thin, but because I felt free -- I could enjoy my life in a much more fulfilling way than eating. I could enjoy social events and time with my boyfriend and friends. I honestly thought I was cured of my disgraceful closet eating habit. Now that I'm a little older and married, I'm at a stressful desk job that has sparked my abusive eating habit again. I avoid social events when I've had a binge, and even avoid s** with my husband as often as possible because I feel so disgusting. My clothes are ill fitting and I don't have much motivation to accomplish anything else outside of my job. I'm telling you my story only so you know that you are not alone, not to discourage you! I love the previous poster's comment about trying to be happy each day and not sweating the small stuff. It's really true - life is too precious to waste it feeling like this. I sometimes think back to my happy days and the strategies I used. I realize the key was keeping busy - I used to go to pretty much anything I was invited to and I had great friendships as a result since I invested the time. I volunteered a lot at different places, which was good because I was on my feet all day and also helping others. The busier i was with more meaningful activities, the less i thought about food. Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

  • Well lets start by not being so h****** yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. Sounds like you're an emotional eater. You eat when you're depressed, bored and even happy. It's important to note what you're feeling when you binge and what kinds of foods you're reaching for. Sugar? Carbs? anything? And try to find alternative ways to deal with them instead of using food. You just need to find balance in your life with everything, too much exercise is not good, just as too much food isn't good. But most importantly try to develop a healthy body image and just make healthy choices and most importantly be kind to yourself. You want to eat enough calories for your height and weight, because when you eat less calories you actually work against what you're trying to accomplish. Your body needs calories to survive and function properly. And when you take things away..like sugar or carbs, then you end up over indulging and then feel like crap..which just makes you want to eat more. It's a vicious cycle. You have to find ways to be happy and love yourself. Maybe talk with a nutritionist, or take classes on nutrition, go to weight watchers, or even over-eaters anonymous, even go to a therapist to discuss some underlying issues as to why you feel the way you do. It can't hurt to talk with someone. Create realistic goals for yourself. But also remember to reward and treat yourself with non-food rewards like mani/pedis, or a facial, massage etc. You'll get to where you want to be...life is a process. Try to find something to be happy about each day, and don't sweat the small stuff.

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