I hate my stepson
My stepson is an 18 year old college freshman who demanded to move back with us after six months of living with BM. Last time he lived with us he had regular temper tantrums, cussed out his dad whenever he didn't get his way, complained about whatever there was for dinner, never helped with chores, left his room a mess, took two showers a day and left all the wet towels on the bathroom floor, etc. I resented being a hotel maid while working full time days and going to school nights. When his temper became so bad he kicked a hole in the wall, his father told him to go back to his BM and I breathed a sigh of (good riddance) relief. Six months later he demanded to move back with us because BM lived too far away from his girlfriend. He stays out til 3 AM and sleeps on the couch til 2 PM. His dad doesn't care because his son has a job and works nights so he should be allowed to hang out as late as he wants to. His dad bought his car, pays his car insurance and cell phone, gives him money for extras, and GET THIS...insisted I sign notarized form to take $4K out of "our" IRA to pay for his college tuition. My husband has four kids and my objection was if he continued to do this for all four of his kids, we'd have nothing left for retirement. He said he worked 20+ years for HIS money and would do with it as he pleased. OUCH! When we first got married 18 months ago, one of his kids had the nerve to tell me "H*** would freeze before my dad won't give me what I want!" I thought he was just being a bratty teenager. The really sad part is that it's the honest TRUTH!
The real reason the kid moved back is because his mother no longer receives child support now that her son is 18. The son is smart enough to know the best way to get around that is just to go live with Daddy. His first born son is his father's pride and joy. He is the "Little Prince" who is coddled, petted, waited on, etc. Once I actually had a dream that my husband was flossing his son's teeth! In my dream, I said why don't you floss your own teeth and let your (then 17-year-old) son floss his own damn teeth?
My husband is a hands-on parent who not only supports his kids financially, but never misses a ball game, activity, or teacher conference no matter what the cost in time, money, or inconvenience. I am proud of my husband because my ex was a dead-beat dad who also divorced his kids when our marriage ended seven years ago. However, the stark contrast is difficult for my two teens (16 and 19) because they are painfully aware that---not only do they not come first in this blended family---neither does their mother! I hate to sound selfish but I'm sick of feeling like a second class citizen in my own home.
HELP! My husband is married to his kids and it hurts big time! What can I do?
PS Already been to counseling but nothing has changed.