Should I stay or should I go?

I confess that I might have screwed up a chance at true love and I'm stupid enough to only just have realized it. I worked for a NGO health organization for the last few years. I was in a location that is both small and remote and so the English-speaking expats and other NGO and government workers who live there are a fairly close-knit community. And, as you do when you're far away from everyone you know, I struck up an easy-going physical relationship/friendship with a guy, thinking it was just something to pass the time. I didn't know I was going to fall in love with him.

That's pretty much what happened, though. If I had met someone like him here in the States, I don't think I'd have given him a second look. We come from such different backgrounds that we would probably never even have met under different circumstances. He's fun, attractive, independent, and has the best sense of humor and one of the best minds I've ever seen. At first, we were just friends with benefits, and then, gradually, I stopped even thinking about looking at other guys and I noticed that he also was turning people away. We spent a great deal of time together, and it was very comfortable, like I'd known him forever. We never actually talked about it.

And then my contract came up and I had to think about whether I wanted to stay or not. Career-wise, coming back to the States was the smart thing, and when I talked to him about it, he told me he would miss me, but to do what I thought was the right thing for me. At the time, it didn't register with me that this was his way of saying "I want you to stay", and so I came home. But now I miss him terribly and I think I might have made a mistake. I've written him and talked to him on the phone a couple of times, and he seems okay and when I talk to him, things are like they were. He's not the sort of person to make a flap about things, so I don't know whether he loves me and wants me to come back or whether we're just good friends who used to sleep together in his opinion.

I could go back. It would take some doing to arrange, but I could. Going back would probably mean making it a permanent stay, though, even if things didn't work out with him. Or, I could stay here and try to get on with my life and my career. I really don't know.


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  • Follow your heart, my mother always says. :)

  • you should go to prison for child molesting.

  • Considering that everyone involved passed their 18th birday at least ten years beforehand, why?

  • Talk to him about it, and then you will know. Otherwise, you will wonder if you did the right thing. It sounds like you guys can talk about things, and I'm sure he's wondering about you...

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