I want to be independent

Im 21 and I have a two year old. She screams all the time and she is violent. She attacks me randomly. Im home with her most of the time. If you could call this home. We stay in a weekly apartment rental. Were staying here until we can move for my boyfriends job. Hes being promoted. Meanwhile Im struggling to go to college and now I have to transfer. I love school it is my only escape. Everyone tells me what a great mom I am and how I have so much patience. I hate being with her all alone, all the time. She isnt cuddly, or well behaved at all. Everyone says its because shes smart. I helped raise my 4 younger siblings to the point where I was kept home from high school. I never meant to get pregnant at 18. I had a full time job and lots of friends and goals. Now I struggle just doing homework. Im so resentful. I love my daughter but I wasnt ready for this and Im scared I will never be successful. I dont want to rely on my BF for everything. I feel like he uses our child to control me. I never want any more kids. I feel so guilty. I try so hard and do so much for her and he never says anything about it. I feel like Im in prison. Im not allowed to be independent. This is ******. All my friends think Im sooooo lucky. Hes so great and shes so cute. But Im just the ***** because I want to be someone outside of a caretaker for unappreciative people. I feel so immature just writing this. I honestly wasnt meant to be a mother. I love her so much and I enjoy teaching her everything but Im worn out. I cant even pee alone. I want to stab myself in the eye when she cries. My bf always tells me what a loser I am because I do "nothing all day." IM IN SCHOOL FULL TIME!!! I even take online classes so she isnt babysat constantly. No one ever watches her for more than 3 hours. And when I do get a job he just says Im cheating on him. Every time Iog into facebook Im suddenly a *****. He goes out with his friends. And I know it seems likes he cheating but trust me hes not. I doubt anyone will read this, but I need advice. Im so sad all the time and comes out as anger. I hate the person I am. I JUST WANT A BREAK. =(

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  • I agree with the above comment. You may be better off without this boyfriend. Any guy you're with, or even bring around your child should be supportive and not mean or suspicious. That doesn't sound like that's the case. You may be better off just on your own. As for your child, as adorable as they are, they can also drive you crazy. Everyone needs a time to themselves. Plus when you're with your daughter you want to enjoy your time with her and not have it always be so challenging. Kids work best with routines. The screaming sounds like behavioral/acting out. It could be a result of her living in a hotel room. Surroundings/environment can have a lot of effect on how she reacts to things. Is she witnessing fighting between you and your bf? or anyone else? As for you, keep up with school and work. Try and schedule some fun times for yourself. Hang in there, keep on moving forward towards your goals.

  • I'm sorry but your boyfriend is not worthy of such a wonderful person. I mean you. Maybe you should dump him because he obviously doesn't care about you very much, the things he does to you are just horrible. I don't know what to say because you're saying that he's the one with the job but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like dirt! I wouldn't want my child to have a father that doesn't respect the things I do, thats not a healthy family. You should find a way out because you deserve a chance at happiness.

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