What to do

My wife and i met 17 years ago in august. around october she tells me she was pregnant. I was joyed at the though of being a dad even though I was only 18 and she was about to be 18 that month. well in march she had a baby boy. we were unmarried. my name went on the birth certificate as the father. it didnt take long for the math to compute in my head that this conception had occurred sometime in june not sometime in september which would have been the 1st time we had s**. I kicked her and her child out. she wanted to be with me. I too loved her dearly despite it all and we had agreed to get put the child up for adoption and get married. well her mother interjected and she ultimately caved in and let her mom have the boy and we signed over parental rights. my only request was that my name be removed from the birth certificate. Well now he is almost 16 and I have endured him being pushed onto to me at every holiday and family get together. Personally, since I have so many contacts with him I hate the idea of his grandmother claiming him as one of her babies. she is constantly trying to get "all 3 of her babies together in one picture". I was very successful at making sure that didnt happen until her actual son got married and then all 3 were caught in one pic. immediately it was uploaded on facebook under "finally, got all 3 of them in one pic" I viewed this as a slap in the face and her way of rubbing it in. I have never felt some much hatred in my life toward any one individual. I told my wife I had done the research and found out despite what her mom told us 16 years ago that my name could indeed be removed from the birth certificate through an attorney and court order. I said i was giving her mother an ultimatum. clear my name from the birth record or I was spilling the beans that the boys whole life was a lie. am I out of line for this. no one will talk to me and frankly I am tired of the BS. Its gonna blow up in their face one day. or atleast it would if I was in the boys shoes. I would have nothing to do with any of them. any ideas or recommendation for moving forward? I would recieve all comments as unbiased and would love to see the general concensus. sorry this was so long. its been pent up inside me for quite sometime.

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  • You can feel anything towards anyone or anything. That's your right. But it sounds like you want some sort of validation that what you're feeling and how you're acting is justified.

    This child is the innocent one in all of this, but you want to blame him for all of your issues/problems? And you want to hurt him, by telling him the truth? Any man can be a sperm donor, not every man can be a good father. And you're not even doing that with this kid. The truth? You're not his biological father and couldn't man up.

    The issue is you, you can't get over the fact that your wife lied about the pregnancy. She didn't cheat, she just passed it off as yours. Was that right? No, but 17 years later.. This anger and it's really misdirected.

    You're older and in a different place then when you were 18. You're missing out on having an amazing relationship with this kid. If you could put this anger/hurt behind you. You'd also be happier overall. Suggest speaking with a therapist to get to the root of what's really going on. Turning this kid's world upside down is not the answer, this is YOUR issue, not his.

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