Silly weight stuff
I'm horribly ill atm. Seeing a haemotologist/oncologist soon.
One of the side effects of my illness is weightloss.
Given I only got out of hospital october last year, after being forced to go to get treatment for my eating disorder (BMI of about 14), losing weight is awesome.
BUT, surprisingly losing weight unintentially when you're recovering from anorexia, sucks hardcore.
because i've been eating 'normally', but now i've lost weight, i'm getting scared to eat tomorrow, in fear of gaining it again.
I don't want to get back into it, but I do so bad it hurts. And I have a good start for weightloss.
The worst part is my logic tells me that i'm going to continue to lose weight wether I keep eating or not, but my stupid side is telling me 'what if it suddenly stops and I gain the weight i've lost?'
I am a complete idiot and I recognize that, but I can't help how I feel, and what I desire more than anything (bar the will to live at the moment). Sigh.