Overwhelmed, most horrible time of my life

I am really overwhelmed right now. I have been in an abusive relationship for 4 years. I would try calling the police when he physically abused me, but when they would show up he would point out to them that I'm bipolar and tell them that I was crazy and needed to be committed... so they would listen to him since I was the one crying and emotional and commit me. He told me that if I divorced him he would kidnap our son, that he would take custody away on the grounds I was an unfit mother because I'm bipolar, that he would "go off the radar" and become homeless so he wouldn't have to pay child support, all kinds of stuff... I was scared to leave him, and I felt hopeless/helpless because the police would not help me. There's more to it than that... like how he would break my phone if I tried to call shelter or the police... but basically, I was trapped. One night after he had choked and restrained me on the bed, I waited until he was asleep and called the local shelter and explained my situation. They said that I would have to get a restraining order, so that's what I did. Ever since then, he has been devoted to making life as difficult as possible without actually violating the restraining order. On top of this, I called DCF to report his abuse of our son, and instead of investigating him, they've been investigating me. Our son himself told the investigator that he tried to choke him, yet they have done nothing. They have not talked to his school (which can confirm he's having developmental issues that only come from abuse), they have not called any of the witnesses to the abuse that I gave them names and phone numbers for (at THEIR request), and they have not visited my husband. Instead, they come every two weeks to take pictures of my apartment. If there's anything "wrong" like dishes in the sink, or stuff on a bed, they threaten to take my son away if I don't have it spotless within 48 hours... then once 48 hours is up, they don't show up again until after several weeks have passed. I have called the supervisor of the division to complain about their apparent harassment and never received a call back. I could go on and on about the problems I'm having right now, like the court's refusal to grant supervised visits because of my husband's claims that I'm crazy and a danger to our son, but that would end up being a book. Instead, I will talk about what happened today.

Today was my birthday. I lost my food stamp card. No problem, right, I can order a new one. Wrong. I called EBT, and it turned out that "someone" had placed a security code on my account to "prevent fraud". It wasn't me, and since it wasn't me, of course I couldn't guess the code. So I tried to sign in to my Access account (which is the site that allows me to check my benefits), and the password had been changed. It took me all day calling the hotline to get through to someone (the system hangs up on you if they're too backed up)... I found out the security code was my maiden last name (which I would have NEVER used as a security code and never even guessed as the code). The ONLY person who could have changed the password on my account and put a security code on my EBT is my husband. That wasn't all he did. He also cancelled our food stamps. So now, we won't have food stamps for the month, because it takes a month for them to process the new application.

Anyways, there's all this stuff he's doing/done that has really screwed up our lives... like destroying all our son's winter clothing... stealing over $600 from my bank account... stealing my belongings from my apartment before he left... etc.

On top of that, I've got like ten million appointments now, and I have to keep them all.... and I have no car... so when I can't afford a taxi, I walk. This wears me out considerably. I have a hard time finding the time/energy to clean and take care of my son with all these appointments and errands. I've been keeping up, but I feel my body slowly deteriorating. I don't eat, because I never have any appetite, and I rarely have time to eat anyways, not to mention finances are so tight and food stamps are so little that I can't really afford to eat without taking food away from my son. I need a strong medication to make me able to sleep. I rarely get around to doing hygienic things like showering. Almost every minute of every day is devoted to just staying on top of everything that needs to be done.

For the past three months straight, some disaster has taken place almost every day. Some of them from my husband, some of them from the courthouse, some of them from DCF, and some of them of my own doing because I'm scrambling around so much I lose important stuff (like my keys, my ID, paperwork, etc... I even lost my clothes because I was so tired I put them in with a bag that I was giving to Goodwill). I am feeling like SUCH a failure of a parent, shoot, even just as an ADULT for that matter.

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  • There was a breakthrough last night. My son has a Leapfrog tablet with a video recorder, and he recorded my husband abusing him. The way I found out was he played it back to me and asked me why daddy spanked him.

    The downside to this is when he did it, he didn't say anything before or afterwards, and my son didn't get a picture of him... he *could* possibly claim that it was really ME doing it. My son could tell people who was doing it, but I can't exactly drag a four year old in to court to testify. I just hope DCF will listen to him when he tells them it's his daddy on there, and not just ignore what he says like they did when he told them his daddy tried to choke him.

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