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I was not meant to be a parent.
I hate children. I have 3 children and I love them with all of my heart. We do things together, i feed and bathe them. They love me very much. I only had children because i got pregnant. None of them were planned. I am prone to blood clots so i can not take birth control. In my area you had to be 25 or have 3 children to get your tubes tied. So after my first child passed away from SIDS when i was 17 i tried to get my tubes tied and was turned down. I am pro life and couldn't live with myself if i adopted out my own flesh and blood (very selfish to some) but i couldn't imagine my child growing up with another family and spending their life asking why their birth mom didn't love them. I have 3 children. I promptly got my tubes tied during my csection and told the doctor if it didn't work i was coming for her. She denied me a tubal after my 2nd child because i was too young and 13 months after my 2nd child was born, my 3rd was born. I love my children and i tell/show them every single day. I don't wish them to be gone because i couldn't imagine my life without them. Now, if i was given a chance to start all over, i would choose not to have them. I don't have a life. We aren't social people. We don't have friends. Remember i hate children, so there are no play dates, no birthday parties. Only adults are allowed to attend my children's parties. I am lucky because my children are very well behaved. I do feel bad because i don't allow them to giggle, run or jump around, laugh or goof off. But it is the only way to keep my sanity. In conclusion, i need a vacation or a nanny!
So you couldn't use a condom and spermicide? And you can't take BC because you have a clotting issue, but you can crank out kid after kid? Those are just two gaping holes in your rationalizing I'm seeing here.
You need a lobotomy as much as you need a tubal.
You say you couldn't imagine your child growing up with another family asking why their mother didn't love them. Robbing them of their childhood because you are selfish is abusive. They are going grow up and hate you when they are older. They'll meet friends and people will reminisce and they'll wonder why their childhood **. Children are very intuitive, more than you know. They're going to piece it together that you hate children. They will probably spend years in therapy because they will not have any fun and happy memories of their childhood. You're not doing them any favors. You should definitely hire a nanny. Even well behaved kids can laugh and have fun. Hard to feel sorry for you. Feel really sorry for your kids. ** to have a mom like you. They really would have been far better off had you given them up.
Hmm. I was messed up i think by my mom. Super strict about behaviour and clothes and being quiet and not running around.
Chill i guess and don't blame them or anyone. Get a life and enjoy it.