I resent my stepchild
I absolutely HATE the thought of being a stepmother. I harbour soooo much resentment, my eyes tear up just thinking about it!!! My SD is put on a pedestal and I wish I could knock her off her high horse! It's amazing how a young child can be sooo manipulative. Anytime she's around, she just stares at me. Even if I am polite and asking her things, she'll either stare blankly or respond to her dad like I don't exist. I hate it! And I know it's horrible. But I know where the resentment began.... My SO wasn't fond of my children in the beginning. When I would vent about the hard days of parenting, he would bash my kids and tell me how I don't know what I'm doing, instead of encouraging and maybe even correcting in love. Ugh I hated it! I got so down on myself and I became harder on my kids because he convinced me that their normal tantrums and bickering was all my fault. He expected them to be robots.....or better yet, angels...like his little princess.... Later in the relationship, our fights got worse. And he became verbally abusive in front of ONLY MY CHILDREN. If his kid was around, he would act like she was too precious to see him rage. But my kids didnt matter. So I hated her even more! Now i cant stand her face or her voice! I hate that he ALWAYS has her on his days off....never makes a point to use a day off for me.... although, he has gotten closer to my children and has tried to improve his downfalls, that negative seed was already planted. I know I will never have a good relationship with his ugly ass child because I DONT WANT ONE. I screwed up and fell in love with a mine that will never be mine. He has a mini wife and she comes first. Always! I dont know whether to be angry at them or myself for teaching my kids to respect and listen to this man who didnt teach his kid the same. I got involved with an emotionally attached man.... when he looks at his kid, he's reminded of the happy times with his ex and im just chop liver. Im second best. AND to make everything worse, i also cant have anymore children.....so I cant give him life. It breaks my heart! I can't create something from OUR love. And that kid will forever be his one and only. I hate it!!!