I resent my stepchild

I absolutely HATE the thought of being a stepmother. I harbour soooo much resentment, my eyes tear up just thinking about it!!! My SD is put on a pedestal and I wish I could knock her off her high horse! It's amazing how a young child can be sooo manipulative. Anytime she's around, she just stares at me. Even if I am polite and asking her things, she'll either stare blankly or respond to her dad like I don't exist. I hate it! And I know it's horrible. But I know where the resentment began.... My SO wasn't fond of my children in the beginning. When I would vent about the hard days of parenting, he would bash my kids and tell me how I don't know what I'm doing, instead of encouraging and maybe even correcting in love. Ugh I hated it! I got so down on myself and I became harder on my kids because he convinced me that their normal tantrums and bickering was all my fault. He expected them to be robots.....or better yet, angels...like his little princess.... Later in the relationship, our fights got worse. And he became verbally abusive in front of ONLY MY CHILDREN. If his kid was around, he would act like she was too precious to see him rage. But my kids didnt matter. So I hated her even more! Now i cant stand her face or her voice! I hate that he ALWAYS has her on his days off....never makes a point to use a day off for me.... although, he has gotten closer to my children and has tried to improve his downfalls, that negative seed was already planted. I know I will never have a good relationship with his ugly ass child because I DONT WANT ONE. I screwed up and fell in love with a mine that will never be mine. He has a mini wife and she comes first. Always! I dont know whether to be angry at them or myself for teaching my kids to respect and listen to this man who didnt teach his kid the same. I got involved with an emotionally attached man.... when he looks at his kid, he's reminded of the happy times with his ex and im just chop liver. Im second best. AND to make everything worse, i also cant have anymore children.....so I cant give him life. It breaks my heart! I can't create something from OUR love. And that kid will forever be his one and only. I hate it!!!

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  • You are the odd wheel , when you marry a man you marry his daughter, somebody should have told you that. you should have had the b**** to say no but you didnt. now you are castrated by a child you can't stand. welcome to h***.

  • Why are you still together? Verbal abuse in front of your children does more harm to them than you, it increases the chances of them being in an abusive relationship, or being abusive themselves. Leave him ASAP, he abuses you because he can. I've never understood people like you, I love my wife, but if she ever did anything to disrespect me in front of family, or our son, (which she would never do because she's not ratchet), I'd chuck the deuces and gladly pay child support, gimme summers, even holidays and a peace of mind. And you don't even have to worry about that! Get a degree if you just can't support yourself.

  • Sounds like you are knee deep in this marriage and it's been going on for quite some time. Sorry, you are unable to have more children. But having another child wouldn't fix the situation you are currently in. You guys need some couple's counseling and family therapy ASAP. And you need to let go of the anger and resentment because it will not only destroy your marriage, it will destroy you. It's unhealthy. Your husband has a lot to do with the behavior of his child. Regardless of age, boundaries are very necessary. Sounds like there are none. You guys need to work on this and figure out a fix or walk away. Because all of your children are in your life for a long time to come. And the relationships will just become more and more strained until you can figure out this s***. Venting is fine, but start putting some action to make things better. And if your hubs is not on board or doesn't see the need to fix thing, then sorry to say you may have your answer.

  • One of the major bumps in this road is telling him that it hurts me...US.... and that the child's behavior is because of things he is doing. He gets so defensive! And I understand, but it's a problem that is staring us in the face! Idk how he doesn't see it!!! I am a woman and his wife...there is noooo waaaayyyy in h*** I will tolerate being inferior to HIS "PRINCESS" much longer.. Others tell me I am wrong and selfish... but what wife wants to compete for the attention and affection?? He gives her so much room and subconsciously he is creating this monster who thinks she has the right and the room to be at daddys side as a wife would. It's kind of twisted. When we fight, he makes it a point to tell me "I don't need this or you. My princess is all I need!" Like really?!!!?!?! Ewwwwwwwwwww

  • Ewww is right! It really is a disservice to his daughter to treat her like that. And he pits his daughter against you is destructive to your relationship. But you are right, he is creating (or has) a monster. She's just in for a rude awakening when she needs to be out on her own. Her father is coddling her and it's just wrong in a lot of ways. It's very sad. And it's really sad for just your family unit, because it will never change unless you all change. Because you could have a really great relationship with his daughter, but he's just made that a giant hurdle. I don't think it's about being selfish but he has made it in to a bit of competition..which is just wrong and really unfair to both you and his daughter. Have you suggested counseling to him?

  • My pride has gotten the better part of me and Ive been fighting my own demons....I didnt want to fix it. I just didnt want her around. BUT i know if i want this to work, I have to make a change within myself. Her not being around wont give me my peace back because I will forever resent her unless things change. We have talked about counseling for our MANY other problems, but never about our children. Its strange to me that he will own up to his ugly behavior and his horrible wrongs, but he will NEVER own up to or even acknowledge what has gone terribly wrong when it comes to his daughter. He wont be happy or approve of me as her stepmother until i kiss her ass like he does. And i dont even kiss my own kids a**** ha. Also....something even worse has happened on VDay....i caught him with secret social media accounts, talking to numerous women! Telling them they are beautiful and just a lot of "lets hangout" type of conversations. My heart has been shattered. I confronted him and he blames me being moody and not wanting to have s** every day and not being a good stepmom. He says it wasnt cheating, it wasnt gonna go far, but he just wanted women to shoot the breeze with since our problems have become to large and we lost our friendship. Now i feel guilty. So i know i need to kiss this kids ass, be his s** slave, dress up more, be funner and entertaining to keep him.... im starting to think he is a narcissist. I always feel guilt for his wrongs. How do i be happy again with this on my shoulders?

  • Oh my, I'm so sorry. My friend you have a larger issue than your step daughter. It's your husband. That is horrible that he blames you and then you feel guilty. Because you shouldn't. And you shouldn't be made to feel as though you have to fix this or do things that you don't want to. This is really something for you to look at. Examine it and really come to a conclusion and a solution that YOU are okay with. Because you should not be kissing his ass in any way, shape or form. He needs to be apologizing and taking full accountability for his atrocious and inexcusable actions for cheating on you. I don't know how your marriage works or if this has been a pattern in your life, but it doesn't sound like you're happy. And happiness and advocating for yourself is very important. Because if you're not happy, your partner won't be. But your husband sounds extremely selfish. I thought you mentioned he may be narcissistic, he very well could be. But there is no cure for that. So you need to make some very important decisions for yourself and your future. If you want to kiss his ass, or be his s** slave, or dress up more, or be funner etc... then do it, but do it on your terms..not his. If he won't go see a therapist, maybe you should consider one for yourself. Get some perspective and an action plan for this situation. Because seriously, something has to change and it's most likely going to have to be you.

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