It's past midnight & I find myself googling everything related to "I hate parenting". I hate everyone I've run into (pre baby) who sold me the fairytale of what I'd feel as a parent, mother etc.. Why the heck isn't there anyone honest around when you need to hear the truth about parenting?
It's not fun, it's not rewarding, it's not fulfilling & I've yet to live any of the "joys or perks" as a parent. Sure I only have 1 8month year old (yes, on those really bad days I remind myself that it could be worse & I could have had two sets of twins) but I resent each & everyone of the friends I know who are child free. They don't know just how much they're not missing out on! The 24/7 crying, raw knuckles from scrubbing out feces from baby clothes, painful spine injury from hours of rocking baby upright all night, body & b****** feeling like they're being raped by a tiny human with pins for fingers & knives for teeth, stinky ass hair from not finding the "5min window" much less willpower to shower the past week, zero cash left in savings account, underweight from exclusive breastfeeding round the clock robbing my body of all its measly calories whilst leaving no time to cook a meal for myself, endless loads of laundry from both baby & husband (with s***** rainy weather all year round, leaving no room for laundry to dry..hence they smell worse than they did dirty) not a moment to or for myself, not even to take a s***, have a smoke or even just take a walk "just because"... Hearing the annoying sound of baby crying playing over & over in my head even when he's miraculously sleeping...
Never able to enjoy a full cup of hot coffee, never enjoying intimacy with husband as baby has a radar that screems everytime we go for it.
The list of all the things big & small that are "impossibilities" now that becoming a parent has drained each & every vein in my body makes me want to b**** slap each & everyone of them cheeky bastards who thought to play this sick joke by condoning the idea of becoming a parent. I think I now know why all you f****** fluff up the "good" of what parenting will feel like (rewarding, satisfying yada yada) y'all just wanted company in your misery as parents so you pulled the wool over our unsuspecting eyes in order to claw us into your pit of dispair & nightmares....well played...! Congratulations, you've now pulled 2 more previously sane adults into your treacherous web of parenting lies knowing full well that there is no "30 day money back guarantee" nor can we give him back (& you knew we wouldn't because we have souls of guilt that pinch us everytime we entertain the thought) to anyone out there who's still child free: only have children when you fully understand the terms "maid, slave, abuse" & yet still believe yourw cut out for this new employment of parenting which is 365 days of the year 24 hours a day & instead of getting paid you will be paying your employer for at least 2 decades to come.