When I was about 16 years old I got married my husband decided let's have a baby his 11 years older I always dreamed about being a great mom so we had a baby. Life was so boring at home decided let me have another baby maybe it will make my life fulfilling 2nd baby after 1 month I started college put both in daycare life was alright but I always felt the guilt of not being a full time mom. 5 years later and 4 years of being a stay at home mom got bored wanted baby number 3 turns out I had ovarian cancer so after 7 months after surgery begged God to give me another child. Holy s*** my sons 8 months I have never been more depressed in my life I started seeing a therapist, I'm on depression pills, decided to try smoking but quit didn't like it I don't know what I was thinking having another baby would make me happy but instead made me more miserable in my whole life even whorse then my dad passing away. I still stick it out and take care of him but cooking, cleaning, bottle feeding, waking up at night holy f!!! I put myself in the hole what's worse is I have no friends n my family lives so far away and I'm broke and I,never hated life so much until now.