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Hate kids
I have been with my boyfriend 3 years, lived together the last 2 years and he has 2 kids under 10 years old. I don't have kids and never wanted any. They are good kids, just wildly hyper and act really immature at times (baby talk, can't do anything for themselves, always need constant adult interaction - can't ever just play by themselves for 15 minutes - literally). We're moving now and in my heart I want us to move to separate places. Im just not a kid person and find raising kids to be draining. Im always super kind and do the right thing and they adore me, but that means they are up my ** constantly. He says if we don't move together then we break up. I've even expressed how hard it's been for me to be around the kids so much. Im career driven and in my 40s. I love this man with all my heart, but is love enough? Or will I resent it if I go along and let us all move in together?
Soccer practice, baseball, cheerleading,... every evening is something else. All things I have zero interest in.
I like my house clean - these kids don't pick up after themselves. I have a busy life and hate picking up after more people. Just everything about life revolving around kids is not me. I have always loved picking up and traveling spontaneously.... can't do that anymore. My finances are no longer my own. How many people regret getting into the step parenting role, especially those who are childfree?
I'm being naive to think this can work, aren't I? I dread waiting til I'm in my later 50s until we're able to do what we want, and that's only if the kids turn out ok. We might be financially drained by then too! I hate that he waited so long to have kids.
How was your apppointment with the counselor today? Hopefully you gained some insight. In reading your latest message, it's really great that you and the ex wife get a long so well. It's very frustrating to hear how your bf deals with things. Not hearing you and supporting you could be deal breakers. Things need to change more with him than those kids. The planning thing, think that depends on the guy. Some guys are organized and are great planners and other guys notsomuch. You do have to weigh the good and bad in any relationship. What are things that can be compromised on etc.. Whatever you decide, some big changes are in store for everyone.
The session was more of an info gathering thing, but we did get to talk a little bit about it. She brought up more about the incompatibilities between us - way we handle finances, lifestyles.... I have my next appt Monday, but I am going to end this today before it goes any further. We just don't have a chance in the long haul bc resentment is going to start on both ends. I appreciate your insight and for taking the time to write in.
Things have a way of working things out. The end of this relationship means the beginning of a new chapter in your life. It's interesting how this post started to where it is now. Good for you for seeking help and seeing a therapist. It's all too easy to stay in a situation and complain but never do anything to make real changes. Hopefully you can find a way to keep in touch with the kids, if you want. Best wishes to you. It won't be an easy to break up, but it sounds like it's for the best. Give yourself time, you will be ok.
Awful day. Broke up with him. Utterly heart broken.