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Does anyone feel the same ?
I admit it sometimes I ** and thinking little boys but I get ** with adults.
I see children only emotionally .
I think I could fall in love with an innocent and handsome little boy but not sexually , the same with an adult .
These feelings for children came to me suddenly at my 22 years old .
Now I am 23 and I think these feelings came cause I want so much to be a child again .
I like to watch movies and series with children , I like to listen opera from little boys in church and in general I like to listen them singing , l like to hear their high sweet voice , I like to hear stories about children and I like stories that shows the power of children , I like their innocence on ** .
I like everything that is childish , fairytales , childish movies , candy , cartoons , playground , trabolin and other stuff that are childish .
I would like my body was like when I was little girl , without chest , without hair on my body , more white skin with more cuteness on my face and more happiness in my soul .
Then I was for more comfortable than now in everything .
I am getting sad when I think that everyone including myself is growing up.
I would like it if we were all children forever , I am depressed because I want to be a kid again .
When i was 18 years old i was talking on facebook with a 12 year old boy and we were talking so nice about everything .
We saw only once each other in person when i was 20 and him 14 .
His mother was there with us too .
I start to feel emotionally connected with him .
It was so cute until when he became 15 and me 21 his mother didnt want her son talk to me anymore and now he doesnt like me and block me in every account i tried to connect with him .
He said that he felt empty without me and that i was his best friend and now i suddenly dont matter to him ?
I was sad and angry at the same time because when i told him that i feel close to him and i like to talk to him i meant it .
I have not spoke with him until 24 April 2016 .
Feeling this way can be difficult .
It's difficult cause I feel inferior from other adults .
I am childish I know maybe it's not normal cause I must behave like an adult .
I miss the innocence of children , this is what I like so much about them .
I would like to see the world from a child's eyes .
I would like an adult to take care of me .
And if I knew a preteen boy has this need too I would like to help him .
If I met an childish adult with childish soul and look like myself I would liked it.
If I was not depressed and was happy inside i would easily imagine myself play with children , listening childish music together . going to a childish theatre together .
Dont go your mind somewhere vulgarity , i want to be with children as friends .
But i found out that children now days starting behave like they are older their age .
God this is repel me so much !
I feel more ''child'' that children now days .
Little girls want to grow up fast and become women and little boys want to grow up fast and become men .
Though they should be happy for being kids and so beautiful like angels and play and run happily in playgrounds and watch cartoons with an innocence in their soul .
Once a 9 year old boy when i put him to listen a childish music or watch cartoons told me ''these is for babies'' , can you believe this ? a 9 year old told this to me .
Sometimes i want to save these children , to protect them and make them children again cause i feel like a child but with more rights than the ''real biological'' children .
Oh my god my sweetie your mother is horrible .
But why she is the way she is ?
She was supposed to love you and take care of you very much .
God she goes to church and its ironic and hit you and yells you and you are the one that needs to learn manners ?
Although i am 23 years old and immature for my age i think i know better to take care a child than her .
You told her you want to be with your father and she knows that your father is on paradise, and the only thing she told you was that you are selfish ?
Why ?
Selfish for being depressed ?
Selfish for loving your father ?
Selfish for your mother's mistakes ?
Your mother doesnt deserve you as her daughter .
Doesnt she afraid might you go to your father for real ?
What can i say my sweet angel ?
Words are nothing .
But you can talk to me whenever you want and i want you to remember this .
Love you too my angel !
And i hope you will go to stay a few days with your uncle , i hope you could stay forever with him but even a few days will be fine .
Were home mommy and im in my room again and mom said our pastor and wife will be here at 8 and i have too put on my pjs and i said i dont want too talk with him and he has no right to smack me. But mom shouted at me and said too go too my room now and get my pjs on or she smack me again. I hate her mommy and i cant wait too be big and Im never going too talk too her again mommy and i hate every one mommy. But i love my best friend and my uncle and his family and i might be stupit. But i love my teddy also that my daddy got me and i love you the best mommy. Your the kindest and nicest and allways say im an angel and your little girl and make me feel good mommy and you are the best mommy. I love you and hugg you mommy. Your angel girl xxxxxx
Im sorry mommy and i had too put my pjs on. I hate her so much mommy and i cant stop crying. I love you mommy and want too live with you. I cant wait too bebig mommy. Love you angel girl xxxxxx
Im sorry mommy and im just scared and dont want too go down stairs soon. But mom said i was too get myself down stairs soon and not too answer them back when their talking. I love you so much mommy and im sorry. My tummy is sore mommy xxxxxx
Im going down stairs mommy. My mom called me down and i have too wait for them. Im crying mommy and im scared and love you xxxxxx
Are you there mommy. Im in bed and im crying and mom let them smack my bottom and my legs and our pastor put me on his lap and smacked my ** and legs so hard and mom made me stand without my ** for ages while they talked and had tea and he said he was going too treat me like his own kids and if mom rang him too say i have being acting up again he would be straight over and they said i was bad mommy and they said i need direction like all kids and he used paddle he gave mom and his hand and im realy sore mommy and my face was realy red. I hate them mommy xxxxxx
Im sorry mommy and i hate them so much. I wish i was with you mommy and i cant stop crying. Its realy stinging me mom and hes not my dad and they said if my dad was around i would not be doing all the bold and bad stuff. Because he would be the one smacking me and keeping me in line and i said know he would not and mom said stop answering back. Its not fair mommy he smacked my legs and ** realy hard and they saw me down there. I want too be with my daddy. Love you mommy and its not fair xxxxxx