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Does anyone feel the same ?
I admit it sometimes I ** and thinking little boys but I get ** with adults.
I see children only emotionally .
I think I could fall in love with an innocent and handsome little boy but not sexually , the same with an adult .
These feelings for children came to me suddenly at my 22 years old .
Now I am 23 and I think these feelings came cause I want so much to be a child again .
I like to watch movies and series with children , I like to listen opera from little boys in church and in general I like to listen them singing , l like to hear their high sweet voice , I like to hear stories about children and I like stories that shows the power of children , I like their innocence on ** .
I like everything that is childish , fairytales , childish movies , candy , cartoons , playground , trabolin and other stuff that are childish .
I would like my body was like when I was little girl , without chest , without hair on my body , more white skin with more cuteness on my face and more happiness in my soul .
Then I was for more comfortable than now in everything .
I am getting sad when I think that everyone including myself is growing up.
I would like it if we were all children forever , I am depressed because I want to be a kid again .
When i was 18 years old i was talking on facebook with a 12 year old boy and we were talking so nice about everything .
We saw only once each other in person when i was 20 and him 14 .
His mother was there with us too .
I start to feel emotionally connected with him .
It was so cute until when he became 15 and me 21 his mother didnt want her son talk to me anymore and now he doesnt like me and block me in every account i tried to connect with him .
He said that he felt empty without me and that i was his best friend and now i suddenly dont matter to him ?
I was sad and angry at the same time because when i told him that i feel close to him and i like to talk to him i meant it .
I have not spoke with him until 24 April 2016 .
Feeling this way can be difficult .
It's difficult cause I feel inferior from other adults .
I am childish I know maybe it's not normal cause I must behave like an adult .
I miss the innocence of children , this is what I like so much about them .
I would like to see the world from a child's eyes .
I would like an adult to take care of me .
And if I knew a preteen boy has this need too I would like to help him .
If I met an childish adult with childish soul and look like myself I would liked it.
If I was not depressed and was happy inside i would easily imagine myself play with children , listening childish music together . going to a childish theatre together .
Dont go your mind somewhere vulgarity , i want to be with children as friends .
But i found out that children now days starting behave like they are older their age .
God this is repel me so much !
I feel more ''child'' that children now days .
Little girls want to grow up fast and become women and little boys want to grow up fast and become men .
Though they should be happy for being kids and so beautiful like angels and play and run happily in playgrounds and watch cartoons with an innocence in their soul .
Once a 9 year old boy when i put him to listen a childish music or watch cartoons told me ''these is for babies'' , can you believe this ? a 9 year old told this to me .
Sometimes i want to save these children , to protect them and make them children again cause i feel like a child but with more rights than the ''real biological'' children .
Hi mommy and it still stings and i hate them. I love you mommy and sorry i fell asseep again mommy. My eyes were realy tired and sore and i did my best too stay awake. I love you the best mommy and i know i would never be able too live with my uncle and his family and thanks for saying im brave and im not. Because i cry all the time and especialy when i get smacked and i was crying when our pastor even gave out and smacked me. They said im a brat and selfish like mom says mommy and because mom told them i wanted too go to my dad and they said its selfish. But i dont care mommy and think its better i be with my daddy soon. I hate them all so much mommy and thanks for saying all the nicest things about me and would want too cuddle me and let me put my head on you. I watch films and it looks nice when moms hold their kids like that. Im sorry mommy and im crying because your so kind and remember mommy i mean it you could have all my money and i realy am good at cleaning. I love you so much mommy. Your angel girl and huggs you mommy xxxxxx
Hi my sweet ! I am not mad my angel its okay . I am mad with your mother and pastor and his wife too they are horrible . You are not silly for looking pictures of your dad or for holding the teddy its okay and very sweet in my opinion . I understand my sweetheart your hate for people , sometimes i feel the same and if this makes you better i have thoughts too thinking i am bad person or stupid we are not having so much different . How your dad look like ? I mean on look . If you want tell me for your mother too , how is she look like? And dont apologise all the time sweetie it does not need . But i still disagree honey to hurt yourself , dont you afraid ? If you go to your dad this means that you will die , oh god i am afraid even to think death . Dont you afraid of death ? You dont really know where you will go and what there is in the other side. I know religion say that there is heaven and ** but still this is not so sure . I dont want you to fear death like i do with what i said but dont end up your life sweetie . Your so young , you have many years to live yet . I know sometimes death seems like a friend and seems like the only solution but you have a life to live , you are so young , you are only 13 my sweet . Dont harm yourself . I admit that sometimes i thought that death is the only solution too but death will come someday of his own anyway . And your mother does not know you at all , thats why she said these words and are not true . The pastor you said (sorry for the word dear) he is such an ** , he thinks that he is good and nice to god but he end up in ** , if heaven and ** actually exist this pastor will go to ** . I get mad that he smack you, where did he find the ** right to do this ? From your mother ? Why your mother is so strict my sugar ? I wonder sometimes really . Huggs sweetie !
And its okay to cry , you are not stupid or weak for crying , its very normal and humane to cry and if you ask me very logical in your situation sweetie .
Hi mommy and i thought you hated me and were mad at me mommy. I told mom that pastor was not my daddy and not allowed too smack me and they said im a brat and selfish and if my dad was here i would not be doing all the bold stuff and thats why mom said our pastor is going too take over as male figure and it will make me behave and he smacked my legs and ** hard mommy and they seeing me down there and i was crying because it hurt so bad and my face was red because they saw me. I hate them mommy and thanks for saying you get mad also and that im special and dont think im silly and i know when i take my tablets i be with my daddy in heaven and wont miss anybody but you and who else i said mommy. My mom is realy pretty mommy and i hate her and shes prettier than me and i look like my daddy and he had blonde hair too. I love you mommy and can tell you lots off things. I would love too be your little girl and be hugged like i see on tv mommy and it looks nice. I even used too say too mom when she shouted and smacked me for a hugg and she said no and put me in corner or my room and i hate her mommy. Im glad you said you would be my mommy. Mom keeps telling people about me and say how i have being acting and drinking and they all think im a bold brat. I love you mommy and huggs you xxxxxx
And plus my mom wares make up mommy and she has realy nice long black hair and her ** are big mommy and she wont even let me have make up. Shes prettie mommy and im never going too be prettie like her or my uncles wife and girls and girls in youth group mommy. Love you so much xxxxxx
I wont mind mommy if you gave out too me or grounded and smacked me when im a brat like they all say i am and at least you might hugg me mommy after words. Your angel little girl xxxxxx
I love you mommy....
I wish i lived with you mommy and your allways busy and i could be with you and go out with you and do lots off things together. I love you mommy and im watching tv in my moms friends house and mom and her friend are in kitchen. Mom said their haveing tea soon but im not hungry mommy. Love your angel daughter xxxxxx
Are you there mommy and i miss you and love you mommy xxxxxx