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Please God help
I love my wife more than anything in the world. She's my best friend and my whole world, but, her kids...
Her older son has aspurgers, he's generally a good kid. He's 15 and for the most part keeps to himself. He has a really high iq and is smarter than most kids in his class and for the most part him get along great. (Except for his eating habits) I tell him that he is like Kirby or a black hole because nothing escapes his mouth. My only real issue I have with him is that he has serious entitlement issues and feels like everything is owed to him which leads to arguments where he says things like, well if you were better with your money you'd be able to buy this (####) for me. It's irritating.
Her younger son on the other hand is a completely different story. He's 13, he has autism, he hates me and I don't know why. He wakes up and comes in our room and wakes his mom up so he can drag her out of bed. He usually talks ** to me until his mom wakes up. He takes pills in the morning and in the afternoon, and god forbid you forget his pills, all ** breaks loose. He actively follows me around and harasses me. And he will literally take pictures of me and he takes video of himself annoying me and posts them on YouTube. He screams for no reason, he farts constanty, he pees everywhere but the toilet, he pees his bed, he swears at everyone, he told a lady at the store "what's your name?" She told him and he replied "1" your name is stupid and I hate you. He's mean to everyone. He can't make eye contact, he can't answer a straight forward question, he says anything bad he can at the top of his lungs.
You do realize that there is some behavior that those kids cannot control. It's understandable that it's frustrating. But your reaction to their outbursts or quirks will have to be different than a child who is just acting out. Hoping that they are working with therapists who specialize in autism. Look at austimspeaks.org, there may be ideas for how you and your wife can help them and also help the both of you.