Not ok

I slept with my brother in-law, Ex...Brother in-law I guess, My sister and her husband split 5 years ago and last night I came home and walked in on my room mate and her ex. Yeah, I didn't right away know it was him, He is an attractive guy, Older than me by 14 years, I am 28 nd recently single from a long term engagement (Hence the room mate) and apparently he picked up my room mate at a local night club, They came back to our place and....It happened.
I came in around 3:00 am and could hear the heavy breathing and etc. I walked past her door and it was open, He was laid back against the headboard and she was laying between his legs jerking and sucking him, I was drunk and the room was dimly lit, I haven't seen him for a few years and totally never expected him to be there with my room mate so when I walked by and seen them I paused and took a little peek (Tee hee), She heard me and rolled to the side, Looked back at me and I could tell she was trashed, Just by her eyes I knew but my attention was directed eleswhere when she rolled to the side my eyes locked on the longest, thickest c*** I have ever seen in person...And I have seen a dozen, Literally 12.
I still didn't realize who I was staring at but my room mate giggled and said something about a huge d*** and I stared, He used to have a bit longer hair and was usually scruffy but he had his hair cut short and was clean shaven and it truly took me a few minutes before I caught it...I had seen it before, One time, just a quick glimpse when I was 14 and they were recently married, I walked past an open door and he was changing but he was not hard, It was from the side and truly only a split second beofre he turned the other way and walked out of sight. It wasn't until he said my name that I snapped out of my trance and looked him in the eyes.
I was in shock, I was like "Oh god, What the...What are you...Why are you", My brain was SCREAMING "Go, Move, Leave" but my body wouldn't work, I stood frozen in place and could do nothing about it. He stood up and walked right up to me, Inside I was like "No, No...Back up...Don't" and then he took my hand and my brain which was spinning a million miles an hour locked up solid, Frozen, Couldn't move, Couldn't speak and my room mate was laying there looking at me and the guy she had brought home as he put my hand on his shaft and I still don't know what happened to my brain, It completely melted inside my head and turned to mush.
So I am standing in the doorway of my room mates bedroom, Holding my ex brother in-laws...Huge c*** in my hand and things are happening all around me and I couldn't do anything about it, We stared into each others eyes and somehow I ended up standing beside the bed being led like a puppy on a leash except my leash was a huge, Thick c*** in my hand, I should have let go, I should have ran away, I should have locked my door and never came out but instead...I did something else...Every word that came out of his mouth became a command I followed like the little puppy dog I was being treated like, My room mate slid over staring at me as I crawled onto the bed beside her, She stared at me like "Uh...Excuse me?" and he gently pressed us together and we started kissing.
I am not going to get into all the gory details but at 28 I had not expected to ever relive my experimental college years...Yeah, Whatever, Everyone does it in college and I actually think it is something everyone should try but that's another story but as me and her kissed my clothes somehow disappeared and now we were naked, Laying side by side, Groping and kissing each other. Myself and my room mate are...Similar in physical appearance whith me being a couple inches taller, About 10-15 pounds heavier depending on the day and a little larger chested (Her C - Me D) with the trade off being that they are not as firm or as nice in my opinion.
It is all a bit of a drunken blur but s*** went hard sideways, Like out of control and now my head is spinning, My ex brother in-law, My room mate and I were all together...Like together together, Me and her were full on together, Me and him were full on together...Multiple times, Him and her were full on together, Me and him and her were full on together and then...He was gone, I woke up in bed with my room mate naked, Sheets all wrapped around us, Sun beaming in and I wake up to her looking me in the eye and she kissed me...Why did I kiss her back?, Who knows but we had an early morning...At least I think it was early morning kissing session...What the f***?, I'm straight, Why were we making out and he wasn't even there.
So F'ed up right now and possibly still a bit drunk but anyway yes...He was gone, Took his stuff and disappeared on us leaving us there together In her bed, Drunk, Naked, Confused and kissing...What the actual f***. Then she starts looking around, We realize he isn't even there anymore and the embarrassment kicks in. My room mate is 24 and from what she tells me her past is a bit...Vanilla, No real crazy stuff, Gave her boyfriend and one of her friends boyfriends a handy one night back in highschool and that's it so this was WAYYYY out of her realm, Not at all in my wheelhouse either but I had been a bit wilder than her in earlier years so she was looking to me for...Council, Advice, Direction...I have no idea.
I know I am a bit all over the place right now but that's how my brain is working this morning, My room mate is stuck to me like glue today...Like when I got up to shower she came too...Why?, We are not that close, I mean we were together last night but sitting in the shower facing each other not saying a word and then we stood, Washed our hair, our bodies and I seriously don't think we said one word, She kept touching but not pushing for anything just...Random touching. Now she is in her room and I am pretty sure she went back to sleep, I am in my room staring at my phone looking at a text from my sister that says "Call me" which is not out of the ordnary.
Normally I would pick up my phone and call her but I just keep staring at it, I am not sure my brain is fully functioning yet and I highly doubt it but the thought keeps going through my mind "What if he told her?", They are on good terms now but what if in a drunken stuper he decided to call her or text her and say "Oh guess what...I just banged your sister and her room mate and turned them both into dykes". I know he didn't, there is no way, she would be calling and texting and probably banging on my door but...What if, What if my brain blurts out "I slept with **** last night", What if I break down crying, How do I say "so did **** ever get that vasectomy you had discussed becuase he came inside me last night...Once for sure...Maybe twice", How do I say "So is it ok if I call your ex?"What if I can't lie to her.
And so I stare at the message "Call me".

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  • Meh, I slept with my brother in-law on his wedding night, My sister got way too drunk and I helped him get her back to the room, He nailed me on the couch while she was passed out on the bed 6 feet away, I see him a couple times a week and have for the past 5 years and will for many more, Carry that guilt. You have nothing to be upset about.

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