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I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.
Oh, wow. I kind of forgot about this. I posted about 3 months ago about how it was nice knowing I’m not the only person doing this.
Now, looking at your last few posts it looks to me like you’re not just still getting bigger but you’re growing faster too. Especially in the last month.
And, I know what you’re going through because it’s happening to me too. I’m up to 425 lbs now, and it’s still going faster.
Hey, I was wondering how you've been doing. You're really blowing up too! Why do you think you're gaining so fast? I mean I know why I am. I've never eaten more or moved less than in the last few weeks. It's weird. I think I felt really out of control with my binging and all the weight I was putting on and I liked it. I liked the scariness of it, but now I feel in total control. Making myself as enormously obese as possible is my sole focus in life now and everything I'm doing is working towards that. It's a new feeling for me.
So, what has it been like for you fattening up so much in the last few months?
Well, like I said, I’ve gotten hooked on how it feels to be stuffed to the brim with food and then some, for one thing, but all the changes my body is going through are keeping me going, too.
My belly is big and round and heavy and growing bigger and rounder and heavier all the time and it feels so amazing and I just want, no, I need to get bigger and fatter and as huge as possible. It’s amazing to me how fast we can grow sometimes.
When I’m not out somewhere I’m at home, no clothes on, stuffing my face. And I can’t keep my hands off my body either. It’s ridiculous how pleasurable this is.
I imagine you’ve hit 500 lbs and gone past it by now?
I am up to 506 pounds now. I will say I thought reaching my goal for the year in only 6 months would have felt different. I don't know I thought I would have felt more or something. Like I was happy in a way and it made me super ** to hear my scale read those numbers, but it still felt sort of empty. Like what do I really have to show for all of this? I am the size of a circus fat lady and everything in my life is harder because of it, but I can't stop. I guess that's it though. That's the addiction. You know. You have it too. So, I will attempt to fill that empty feeling as I always do, with absurd amounts of food because I'm not done. I need so much more of me.
You are so right though. As hard as it is being this size, it is extremely pleasurable. Being this soft, this heavy, this huge is truly indescribable. You are going to love it. Are you catching up to me?
You're getting so lovely & fat. My wife says it is extremely pleasurable being hugely fat, she has gotten even fatter since I last posted. She absolutely loves how soft & how heavy she is.
I’m 438 lbs now, so I must be catching up with you. When I’m out all I can think about is getting home, getting completely undressed and stuffing my face. One thing I’ve noticed is that the fatter I get, the better everything feels. The sensations I get from “play” keep getting more intense and longer lasting as my body continues to expand. Is this something you’ve also found?
When I first accepted that I was going to get big I used to think about reaching 400 lbs, but that number keeps going up as my weight increases too. These days I think about 600 a lot and I’m almost certain that I won’t stop there either.