I have no idea if this belongs here, or that other site the confessional page links. Regardless, here we go.

For the past couple of months, I have been engaging in online erps as a minor. I am aware of the severity of this, and I do not engage in much anymore, not that its better. However, I had assumed that I wouldn't ever really fall of anyone doing this. I mean, just show basic respect to one another, dont show faces and just do the rp, it couldn't be that hard.

I said on a forum that i was trying to start this fantasy i had been having, and after a little I had some responses. I am no longer in contact with the majority of responders, except one, who will remain anonymous. They seemed different. Kinder, more respectful even, to many. We shared some stuff and, despite how much i said i wouldn't, ive fallen for him.

From there, we finished the first one and now we're doing others. We've chatted, became friendly. **, we've even had some more... intimate things happen (no nudes were shared, from me or them, but we have seen each others midsections). And I am awful with taking time from breakups. I try to give myself time, but I cant.

I know how serious this is, I really do. I know why this is bad, how this can be detrimental to the both of us, how this can create some serious trust issues. I know what I have to do.

But I cant, either. I just can't. I can't bring myself to hurt him the way it will. I cant just abandon him, because in a way, in a ** up, self-deluding way, if they go, i'll never meet anyone like him again. I'll be stuck, single, alone, wanting to do so much like this again but knowing i cant. I need to do this for both of our goods, even a simple "** happening, I need to stop" message, as vague as can be, would be good. But I can't bring myself to intentionally lose them.

They're perfect, i love seeing how they type and i love talking to them. When I see they've responded I get excited and giddy, and I need to respond. It's unhealthy, I know. I really do know its unhealthy, its not kind, its not fair.

It's been killing me, weighing me down from my chest as I think, "oh god, what am I doing? why am I doing this?" I am shameful, I am regretful, and theres nobody but me to blame. Still, I cannot do anything but wallow in my self pity like a ** **, knowing I'm too cowardly to pull the trigger on the ** relationship. The most i've done is say "I dont want this to be romantic, merely platonic" but holy **, its not enough. But I'm a coward. I can't. They seem perfect, and in my **, hormonal mind, its them or nobody. And I hate myself for it.

Please, rip me to shreds in the comments if you've read any of this. I know I deserve it, and even perhaps a sentence, too. I won't read it, I really can't since I'm not even sure I'll see this post again, let alone this whole ** site. It doesnt matter.

Welp, thats it from me. I'm off to go be a scourge on the world some more. Have a good day/night, everyone.

Dec 8

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