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Losing it
I am so in love with this guy. After a month of crazy love he started avoiding me.
Im devastated and broken inside, feeling like I want to cry and cry and cry and cry until all sadness goes out through tears but I CANT.
I feel eternally sad and abandoned, puzzled with many questions, and wishes and desires. I had great hopes for us, I was ready for anything. To completely belong. To unconditionally love. To fight the lows and fly the skies.
I take his photo and as I look at him I ask: why why why? Tell me...
I need you to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be alright. Another broken dream... I feel I will never learn, I will never learn to be happy and to have someone.
Oh my misery...
I should have been more careful. I should have shared less and trusted less. But at one point it all looked so perfect so promising and I gave out, I gave it all out. And now... silence.
Im here in my questions and fears, not knowing whats wrong, not knowing where I made a mistake, did I do something? Did I say something?
If this fails completely, I swear I dont know how will I ever be able to trust again. I knew when I said YES to him that I needed to be more careful, sustained, but I wanted it so bad. So there it is... he holds me within his hands now... will he drop me?
I have no control over it. What a ** feeling.
A.M.D. I LOVE YOU.
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