I Hate My Friend

I have a friend who is really beginning to get under my skin. We've been friends for over 15 years and for the most part, our friendship has been stable. She'd come over almost every Saturday, we'd chat, have breakfast, maybe watch a movie and then she'd go home.

However, in the past few months, she's become rude, bossy and aggressive. And she wants to come over every day, regardless of what I'm doing. She walks in, plops down and demands I stop whatever I'm doing so that I can entertain her. If I'm in the middle of an activity, she insists I'm doing it wrong and tries to tell me how to do it. She yells at my son constantly, even though I've repeatedly asked her not to do this. A few months ago, she even started screaming at my infant niece for making those little cooing sounds that babies make. (I immediately and diplomatically told her it was time for her to leave.)

Naturally, I've been wanting her around less and less. So I started making polite excuses as to why we can't possibly get together next Saturday...or Labor Day...or Thanksgiving...or New Year's...and hoped she'd take the hint. Except it hasn't worked out that way...

Now she calls constantly, usually an average of 10 times a day. If I answer and tell her I can't talk at the moment, she'll insist on talking to me anyway, or she'll call back in 20 minutes, asking if I'm still busy. So when I see her name on my caller ID, I'll let the answering machine get it. Should be fine, right? Nope! She leaves a message, hangs up and calls back immediately. Sometimes as many as 15 times in a row. One day, I got back from a doctor's appointment and found that my answering machine was full. There were 50 messages--all from her! From a span of a few hours! There's no excuse for it.

She pulls this crap from sunup to sundown. I can't watch a TV show, read a book, work on a research project, help my son with his homework, take a nap, eat a meal or have intimate relations with my husband without the phone ringing and then hearing her dull, dopey, stupid voice over the answering machine saying, "this is S. Give me a call." Then, five seconds later, same s***. Over and over until I have to unplug my g****** phone. Oh, and God help me if it's a nice day and I do that, because she'll walk over to my house and bang on the door with the same intensity as someone being chased by a knife-wielding maniac. It's especially aggravating when I've just put my niece down for a nap after trying for two hours to calm her down.

I don't like confrontations. But if this doesn't stop soon, she's going to force me into one. The only reason I've been able to type this uninterrupted is because I've unplugged my phone. If my family wants to get in touch with me, they have to e-mail me. If my grandma wants to get in touch, she has to call my mom, who then has to e-mail me. It's not right, it's not fair. I don't think I deserve to be stalked and forced to cut off contact with everyone just for a little peace of mind. There's no reprieve. I wish she'd get a f****** life so that I could live mine.

3 Comments

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  • This is harassment and stalking! Report her to the police,to get a restraining order.It may seem harsh,but what she is doing,is beyond acceptable! Make your husband be assertive with her,as I'm sure your family have noticed!! Don't ignore this behaviour of your friend,because regardless of how long you've known her,this erratic behaviour could escalate,to dangerous length's.

  • I agree completely with the first replier, she doesn't sound mentally stable and if she acts aggressively towards you trying to work something out or stopping your relationship all together then maybe you should ask for some help from others.

    But one point I cannot stress enough is that if at any point in time, literally the MOMENT you feel that you or your family are in any kind of danger you absolutely must call the police alright? You need to promise me because it would be horrible to open the news paper and see your story on the front page.

  • Honestly, her erratic, excessive and uncompromising behavior sounds like it could be a mental illness. Maybe she's bipolar? Or is she addicted to drugs? meth? There has to be a reason for her behavior. You shouldn't have to change your life for her, but you do have a family with small children and they need to come first. Especially, since you don't truly know what she's capable of at the time. She doesn't sound violent, but it sounds like she no longer understands or respects social norms or just how to be around small children. You may need to have a confrontation with her. But it can be more of a conversation where you can start by saying you are really concerned about her. That she has changed and it is scaring you. And that the episodes that have been occurring can no longer happen. That moving forward that you two can schedule time (if you are remotely comfortable with that)..and maybe do it in a public place and not your home. Are you in touch with her parents or siblings? Have they mentioned the same concern? It's tough when this happens because you want to be a good friend, but you also have to put you and your family first. And since she's adult, she may not want help.

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