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I Am Not So Perfect
Hi, I am Forgiven, and, yes, I am a Christian (oml, here comes another Jesus kid with some stories to tell us all!). Well, I do have a story, but I'm not about to start thumping your head in with a Bible. So...how to start, eh?...
One summer, I went to North Carolina on a break from my classes. It was halfway through my vacation, one night when I just wanted to stay up until the next rise of the sun (Lord, help that child, he's got insomnia!). Well, maybe. Anyways, so the power goes out, a storm starts up, and I am sitting in my room...wide awake...(good thing I don't believe in ghosts right...? Heh...). So, I just randomly began to think about my life. Not by choice, but it started subconsciously as I began to play my life through in my mind.
I felt tears start to fall down my face, and it kinda scared me (...they're water, kid...they normally come from your eyeballs). Well, I didnt know why I was crying. I thought I must be having some sort of breakdown. I began to pray to a God that I really didn't want to (fully) accept into my life, especially when I saw his extensive law right behind him.
So, here I am on my bed, praying to the one person I thought would be there to listen for a few minutes about how I hate my life and didn't want to be so lost in myself and in the constant void of guilt over the things I've done...daily.
"God, I feel as if I'm trapped in some sort of blackhole...a pit that I will NEVER BE able to crawl out of. I don't know what to do! Please, help me!"
I got scared, relieved, and awed when I heard someone fully answer me back.
"Don't worry, I will help you."
(Bless this child, he's got psychosis! He be hearing ALL de voices in his head!!!) No, that's what I wondered for a few days afterwards as well. All I knew after hearing it that night, though, was that I had gotten one of the best nights sleep in my life.
I've always wondered back to that day where I actually allowed Jesus to save me from myself (what we're you doing to yourself for a man in the sky to save you FROM yourself???)...a lot. Anyways, I thought about if that voice had just been my own thoughts that I imagined to overcome my previous thoughts. Then I disregarded that because: 1) I didn't have any encouragement in myself for such a feat 2) The "voice" conquered more than my thoughts, it conquered my outlook on life.
I know not everybody agrees with Christian ideals, values, or the things taught by Jesus. But, this is my confession. It's not dark, it's not something I want to keep locked away, it's a confession for the good given to me from Jesus for all of you. Not something to convince you to throw away your current life, but a marker of thought. Not proof, but something not completely insignificant to me. Bye, you lot! Stay safe, and have a great day!!! ;) ;) ;)
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