I am confused
I am a 21 Y/O female, I am in my second year of college, Up until 6 months ago I had always wondered what it would be like to be with a girl, Don't get me wrong I truly enjoy men but was always intrigued by girls.
I started my second year of college, I moved into a townhouse style residence with three other girls, Carol walked in and instantly caught my attention, Beautiful, Sexy, Confident and Smart, We became fast friends and we started spending a lot of time together, Our class times lined up almost perfectly so we are almost always home at the same times throughout the day and hang out constantly.
Three months ago Carol and I slept in the same bed after a night at the bar, We had changed into our pyjamas and were just laying in her bed talking and fell asleep, I woke up the next morning and we were snuggled up with Carol laying behind me, Arms around me, My top was unbuttoned and she had one hand in my shirt cupping my breast, I panicked a bit but laid still and after a few minutes she moved, She took her hand off my breast and hugged me saying "Good morning, Sorry about that", I giggled nervously and said "its ok".
For a couple weeks nothing was said about it and we carried on like nothing had happened but a couple weeks later we again fell asleep this time in my room while watching a movie on my tablet so we were already cuddled up side by side in just shorts and tank tops, I again woke up with a hand up my shirt but this time Carol was softly massaging my breast and I could instantly feel my heart start racing, This time I put my hand on hers and she took a deep kind of chattery breath and kissed my shoulder, I rolled over to face her and we kissed, We snuggled and kissed for a bit before she pulled back and looked deep into my eyes, She was breathing deep and Carol said "Have you?", I shook my head no and asked her the same, She smiled and said "No".
I looked at the clock and assumed we were alone in the house since my other two room mates had early classes, I got up and locked the door, Crawled back into bed and we spent more than an hour exploring and experiencing each other, When we caught our breath after an amazing experience which fulfilled all my expectations and more we got out of bed, dressed and went downstairs.
I walked into the kitchen and one of my room mates was sitting at the table, She looked up and I froze with Carol standing behind me, She simply smiled and said "Good morning?", I smiled and looked at Carol then back at her and said "Um...Yeah", For a month Carol had been sleeping in my room and I in hers, I truly and honestly love it, Being with her has exceeded any ideas I ever had about being with another girl but I traveled home for Christmas and so did she, While home I was with my ex boyfriend and now I have a problem.
That also was amazing, I feel like it was so much better than before and when we were done my ex rolled over and sighed saying "Oh my god, You've learned a thing or two", I truly believe it is because Carol has made me more aware of my body and has taught me how to do things I never knew I was capable of, My ex grilled me about who I had been with saying "You don't learn those things from a book", I am returning to school in a few days and although Carol and I have texted or talked almost every day I am nervous about my feelings, I don't know if I want a steady relationship with a girl or if I want to be with a man.
Carol is beautiful, Smart, Funny and I love spending time with her, Her body is nothing short of perfect, Oh my goodness...That body, Something anyone would love to spend "Quality" time with but...I also want kids, A husband, A house and a white picket fence, One cat, One dog and a budgie...You know...the American dream.
Guess I have some decisions to make, Why does life have to be so hard.