I cant be trusted with power

I got bullied at school and had an oppressive home life. I spent years being socially outcast and never being able to connect with people. I developed deep seated emotional issues, and a cold hatred for the world. I have learned how to mask it, so I seem like a relatively normal person, but underneath I'm a twisted, cold blooded, angry person and I bitterly hate the world and (apart from my immediate loved ones) everyone in it.

About two years ago I began consciously and deliberately practicing and improving my speaking and social skills to improve them, and I discovered something special. I have a unique ability with writing and public speaking: I'm good. Not just good, but gifted. I can do amazing things with words, and deliver them with power and authority. I'm more than just good: with further practice, I could make people do things. I could inspire people to action.

Thats not bad by itself, but what it means is that it comes down to who I am as a person and the choices I make. If I were good I know that I could do amazing things and make the world a better place, but if I were bad then there is no question in my mind that I could inspire hatred and possibly even open conflict.

The truth is that on the deepest level, I dont think I"m a good person, and if I ever gained influence over people I don't know what I would do. There is a part of me that wants to not develop this skill; I can't be evil if I have no power, and people will never know what I really am.

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  • I can relate to everything you said except the "twisted, cold blooded" part. That doesn't seem to come naturally to me, but I am nurturing it.

    This world has had way too many chances. When I grab even a scrap of power, paybacks will commence and will continue to happen until the last day I walk this planet. One thing I -am- good at is coming off as calm, warm, personable. My targets won't know what's happening to them until it's too late.

    Is that bad or mean or negative? Damn right it is, and I am going to give as good as I got.

  • I feel the same. I'm very convincing with my words and I don't consider myself a good person either. I have this facade that I'm so nice, but I'm actually hiding a very dark person. In a way I guess you can say I'm a good person for at least hiding my darkness inside, but I'm such an emotionally manipulative person. I know what to say, to who and how. I love it.

  • Good candidate for US president then.

  • Well what kind a bullshit are you posting today? I don't have to read your post to know it's bullshit. Know how I know? Because you are a regular to this site and you always have a different story to tell.

  • People like you have nothing better to do than to make others' lives miserable. Work on yours first and then come back for better an appropriate approach.

  • Anyone who uses this website including you and I, have serious issues! No one righteous and dignified in my opinion, use this website! So stop being high and mighty, you aren't fooling anyone!

  • Oh your just pissy because I call out the bullshit. What's the matter, did your mommy not Brest feed you enough when you were younger?

  • Did your father c*** feed when you was younger?! Probably yes! Good for you lol now spread your mouth seeds, elsewhere!

  • You must know from experience. You know all about mouth seeds.

  • Takes one to know one :-) Welcome to the club lol

  • That wasn't a smart move and .....What the h***?

  • There's a special reason why you're gifted with such strong personality traits. I, myself have saved many lives without knowing I was doing it. I understand how you feel. Instead of telling yourself you're not worth this special gift, accept the fact that you're gifted because you have the ability to do so. However, never take it for granted. I have discovered some very special talents and gifts in myself, but I'd never told anyone due to the fear of becoming arrogant and abusing the power. People don't even believe me when I tell them the truth, but to be frankly speaking, instead of explaining them I know deep within my soul that not everyone is meant to know who you truly are. I took that as a good sign and had always kept my personality a low key. I let people think they have won, but I know more than they'll ever know. I let them think I'm the fool and I am fine with it. That's exactly how I want them to think of me. It's not always about you, but also, these experiences has made me realize how trustworthy these people are. This is just a brief picture of my personal anecdote. I'm hoping you'd feel better about this situation because I want you to know that it's all about learning lessons. When you know you're doing something or someone wrong, stop right there and consider twice about the situation. Sometimes silence is gold. (:

  • ..... but Jesus will

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