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I cant be trusted with power
I got bullied at school and had an oppressive home life. I spent years being socially outcast and never being able to connect with people. I developed deep seated emotional issues, and a cold hatred for the world. I have learned how to mask it, so I seem like a relatively normal person, but underneath I'm a twisted, cold blooded, angry person and I bitterly hate the world and (apart from my immediate loved ones) everyone in it.
About two years ago I began consciously and deliberately practicing and improving my speaking and social skills to improve them, and I discovered something special. I have a unique ability with writing and public speaking: I'm good. Not just good, but gifted. I can do amazing things with words, and deliver them with power and authority. I'm more than just good: with further practice, I could make people do things. I could inspire people to action.
Thats not bad by itself, but what it means is that it comes down to who I am as a person and the choices I make. If I were good I know that I could do amazing things and make the world a better place, but if I were bad then there is no question in my mind that I could inspire hatred and possibly even open conflict.
The truth is that on the deepest level, I dont think I"m a good person, and if I ever gained influence over people I don't know what I would do. There is a part of me that wants to not develop this skill; I can't be evil if I have no power, and people will never know what I really am.
You must know from experience. You know all about mouth seeds.
Takes one to know one :-) Welcome to the club lol