Husband leaving me - wasted my life

My husband is leaving me. There is no chance to repair the relationship. I have been the fault, a workaholic. I didn’t put him first. He said the love is dead from years of neglect. And I have been blind or avoiding the situation at home for so long. I continued going about life and feeling like it would resolve itself. Now that it’s over, the regret and remorse of wasting his time and life is overwhelming. It’s too late, and despite how much I love him and want to be with him, I don’t deserve to ask for another chance. I know, people always try to change when it’s too late. Sitting here looking back on what I’ve ruined and given up for basically a good career and healthy bank account is sad, pathetic. I had love and ruined it. Mostly I’m upset by how he feels he’s been robbed of years. I feel sick and like I’ve been hit by a train. Being sorry doesn’t even cut it. He deserved better and I failed him. How do years pass and one day you just wake up and realize you’ve given up the most precious gift someone can give to you- their time? I hate myself and I hate that I’ve done this to him.

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14 Comments

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  • He must be a white guy!

  • Inspired by your sheer ownership of the current state of affairs. Best part to solving a problem is owning it and moving forward. Own the situation like any business project and hone your output. Are you in a culdasac or a dip? The one thing is, this is what it is, you do not control his feelings. You should NOT be shaming yourself because the stereotypical future of a husband and wife did not happen. Go and meet someone else. Use this as an opportunity to make you better. Find someone that will vertically grow you.

    Even if he did stay. You think you love him. It just sounds like you two are on different levels that would prohibit this from working out. People grow.... people grow into love.. people grow out of love.

  • Just give him half the bank account and move on. S*** happens.

  • --

    If you are not willing to make any adjustments, let him go. Grieve your marriage. Allow yourself to feel sad, forgive yourself, and move on. It's a process. Perhaps this has taught you a lesson that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. In which case, it wasn't a total loss. I'm sure he learned from the experience too. You both evolved. But if it pains you to make changes or adjustments and you can't do it without resentment, either the love isn't enough or it just isn't who you are. That's okay. Trust that someone else will come along that will match you the way you need them to. Perhaps this someone will admire how hard-working you are and be understanding. Perhaps this person will be just as career-oriented as you are. In any case, this experience has taught you something about yourself. How you choose to move forward will say plenty more.
    Best wishes.

  • It isn't too late. You need to make a decision. What matters more -- your husband or your job? Are you willing to make adjustments in your life for him? Or are you just going through the motions?

    If you are serious about wanting to save your marriage, let go of this defeated mindset. Give yourself time to be sad, but jump back with determination. Talk to your husband. Open your heart to him. It's a risk, but it's better than living with another regret. Tell him you are willing to make adjustments in your job and/or go to counseling and MEAN IT. Your actions must follow. Put forth the effort. If you want marriage counseling, search information and show it to him. If you are going to make adjustments in your job, talk to him about the hours you are willing to give up so you can spend time with him, and any ideas you have. Sometimes a date on the weekend is enough. The point is, no broken promises, you have to actually put in the work. Telling him how you feel, why you feel that way, and providing a solution will show him that you are serious and give him more to think about, rather than you just telling him how sorry you are. Most importantly, LISTEN to him. Do not interrupt. If he's ready to leave, then he's probably very sensitive, and anything can put him over the edge if you get what I mean.
    --

  • Now you know what so many married men go through. You work and work to support your family and try to make sure you prepare for the future only to find out that none of it is appreciated. You are blamed for never having enough time to spend with them. Men have been going through this forever, welcome to equality.

  • You can still fix this. Try asking for an another chance. All you need is an initiation.

  • I'll be your Valentine.

    Sometimes it's just not meant to be. You need that X factor.

  • Wow sounds like my wife.

    Married 24yrs. The last 15 have been a terrible kinky existence for me. A couple of years ago she said she'd had enough and moved to another bed room. I begged her to come back. Nothing changed. Still no love from her. She was too busy doing work and all her community good works.

    I spoke to a psychologist who said in a relationship you can end up with a chaser and a chasee. It was so obvious. I came to terms with it. I said "if you want to go then go. Be free".

    She suddenly started to try to be loving but I think she's forgotten how to love. Forgotten how to feel love. It's so mechanical.

    Now it's me who is thinking "just leave"

  • At least you admit your error. My ex-wife was openly in love with another man and after she did adultery with him I divorced her. She left me with three maxed out credit cards to pay for.

    Tell your husband you love him and will spend more time with him if he stays. In other words, tell him what you told us.

    Maybe he'll go back with you.

  • Try flirting. Guys are visual creatures. Also show that you are proud and trust him

  • Did you not have your career when you two met? Even if you didn't, he still had to know what you were doing when you were working on advancing your career. He could have walked away at anytime, yet he chose to stay. If anyone wasted his time it was him. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. The only actions you can control are your own actions. If more people understood that, this world would be a better place.

  • I feel for you, but I understand your husband's feelings. Career women don't do it for me either. I want a wife that nurtures and supports. Career women marry their job/company, and the husband feels cuckolded. I hope it isn't too late for you.

  • At least you admit you were in the wrong. My ex-wife thought I was to blame for the collapse of our marriage even though she was actively in love with another man and demanded our son be named after him.The son was never conceived and I divorced her.

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