My wife is destroying our family...

That recently, my wife said she wanted a trial seperation. In the span of a few days, she went from trial and staying at friend's place, to getting an apartment and contacting a divorce attorney, all without explaining why. We finally talked and she gave me hope that she is just going through stuff, she stopped talking to an attorney, she needs time apart, and will be ready and focused to do marriage counseling in a few months (FYI: There has been no infidelity, abuse, or betrayal between us, hence why this is so sudden...up to the day she wanted a seperation, we were in a loving home.)

We have a child together who is a toddler. So we decided to focus on building a routine for the kiddo for the rest of 2020 and then us on 2021. in the meantime of all this change, the kiddo started acting out at daycare and has basically stopped listening to her, just walking all over her. The kiddo is disrespectful, does what they want, and when they know they are going to be around her, starts acting out at daycare. It has gotten so bad that he has been sent home from daycare a few times and the director is recommending we start therapy with the kiddo in order for them to stay at the daycare.

Yet when the kiddo is with me or knows they are going to be with me, they are a perfect child. They have manners, they listen, they are excited to see me. When we are together we are happy, we play, we read, we are 100% invested in each other. Their mom tries to do the same when they are together. Now, I know the reason why the kiddo is doing this. Because they know that their Mom is hurting their Dad. She made a choice and continues to make a choice that is killing me on the inside and on the outside. Their mom even made the comment that her "worst nightmare is coming true; that her actions are hurting our kid."

I told her "you do know the way to fix this? For us to fix our relationship and come back together." Because, full honesty, it was her choices that have hurt this family and hurt our kid. She is putting our kid at higher risk for dropping out of school, for getting involved in drugs, alcohol, etc at a young age. She is putting our kid at a higher risk of depression and other mental health concerns.

And while I am not telling our child that mom hurt me or that she's bad (in fact I go overboard on trying to make sure the kid knows how great of a mom she is and to love and respect her), I don't feel bad at all that the kiddo is acting out towards her. I kind of want to see her suffer for awhile because she doesn't care how she's making me suffer. If she's not willing to fix us and fix our family, if she's going to be selfish and only think of herself, then f*** her. I hope my kiddo makes her life h*** for awhile, cause my life as their dad is great. I'll take this as a win and let her struggle. It makes me feel a bit better that the failures of our kid will fall on her horrible decision and not on me.

Oct 23, 2020

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  • I'm wondering how many children do you have? At first I thought it was one son, but your use of they and them said there was more then one. Near the end you said she so I believe you have a girl now.
    Again im assuming that shes two or three. Which tells me she doesn't have a clue what happening,and if shes acting out, then there could be a different reason why. You mentioned that she was acting out in daycare and was going to be thrown out. If it's only been a couple of times, then they're over reacting and might be trying to hide something. Try to stop putting yourself and your wifes problems first. By the way, it definitely sounds like your wife is having an affair. She myst have almost got caught by you and she flipped out and left. It common amongst cheaters. Now back to Kiddo. I would investigate if theres been any complaints about the day care, and speak to other parent there.
    Good luck, and let her go. Raise your child right si she doesn't end up acting like her mother.

  • I’m sorry you are going through this. Try to focus on what is best for you and your child. Don’t worry too much about your romantic relationship with your wife. She doesn’t sound like much.

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