Please just hear me
I remember saying no, i dont want to, this isnt fun.he would tell me to be quiet and if i did this i would be cool. he was nine and i was five. was it really abuse then? i dont know. the first time it happend he put his tongue down my throat. i couldnt stand it, it was horrible. after it was over he told me never to tell. he made his sister who was three also promise never to tell. i agreed. the next time he made me be his wife and we built a fake house out of pillows. his sister would be on one side, the two of us on the other side. every time he built this house. his sister would watch tv most of the time we did this. this time he asked me to touch him. i didnt go over to his house for a week after the incident. i felt sick and strange. but i kept going over there. he asked for more after a while. for me and him to undress me, for him to touch me,kiss me. i didnt understand what was happening but i let it happen. i never told. i still feel sick. his family left while i was in the middle of kindergarten.
my mother, brother and i left texas and moved to california at the end of kindergarten. when i was nine i went over to my mom's friend's house. one of her sons who was sixteen was home at the time. my brother and i were playing on his xbox while my mom talked to her friend outside. my brother left the room while i still was playing. suddenly i felt his arms around my waist. he kept on tugging at me to sit on his lap. finnaly i did. he first showed me how to play better but then he started touching my thighs and my chest. i froze for a bit but then i started to squirm away from him but he held me tight and then told me to stop or i'd be in trouble. i believed him and stopped. he finnaly got away from me and grabbed a drink. i ran to living room and sat with my brother watching tv. i was shaken up and had that sick feeling again like before. but i still didnt tell any one about what happend.he sat by me and my brother for a while before he left for his room. that was the last time i saw him.
i'm fourteen now and am starting to accept what happend. i havent told my family and i still am scared of how they will look differently at me.