My Cousin's EX Husband

18 years ago I introduced my cousin, Mia to one of my very best friends, Ed. We were 15 & 16 years old. They ended up getting married several years later and remained married until this last summer. We have all remained close over the years and our children have grown up together.

Their divorce was a result of a year long affair between Mia and a neighbor. After Ed discovered the affair was happening, he spent a year trying to forgive Mia. He changed his daily routines and home front efforts in an attempt to make things better for the marriage. And while Mia wasn't still having a physical affair with neighbor boy, she still maintained contact with him. I felt empathy for Ed, I had recently divorced for the very same reason. I felt anger and disappointment towards Mia, she knew what the affair would do to her marriage and chose repeatedly to ignore the warnings.
(Mia and Ed both told me about the affair, but asked me not to let the other one know I knew, and I heard both sides of the story)

They separated in June and shortly after, Ed and I met for drinks as we had done many times before. He confessed to me that when we were teenagers he'd wanted to be more than friends and had even flirted with me, but I was oblivious. One thing led to another that night and we kissed. The next night he asked me to dinner and we ended up back in our old neighborhood walking down memory lane, making love in the house we grew up in. Over the next 6 months we kept our relationship low key, his family and our close friends knew but we were careful not to let Mia know. We fell in love, we discussed our future together, bigger vehicles and home to accommodate our 4 children, and naturally the possible scenarios for when we let Mia know of our relationship. Somewhere near the middle of October, he became more distant, less date nights, less communication on the phone and in text. By the beginning of November we hadn't broken up, but had discussed slowing our relationship down, his divorce was going to be finalized soon and he just needed some time to clear his mind.

I quit calling and texting, if he called or text I would answer depending on how I felt that day. I was sad, confused and mad at myself for allowing this relationship to begin in the first place. Last night, Ed called. I hadn't had more than a couple of text message exchanges with him over the last month and hadn't seen him in nearly 2 months. He misses me, he loves me, but CAN'T be with me because of the family connection between Mia and I. After 25 years of friendship and suppressed emotional feelings, we've discovered a love and a closeness that is comfortable and energizing. While I admire his "loyalty factor", I don't understand why we should pass up something so wonderful to please others feelings and judgment.

Thoughts please, but if you feel the need to be ugly, I can do without your comments. Thank you.

Dec 1, 2015

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  • Tell Ed your thoughts. Or show him this post. In the end Mia is toxic. If they and you ever loved each other everyone would understand. The kids will grow up and if they are adults they would want you guys to be happy.

  • Unfortunately, he is right! Your love may be divine however, because there is a family connection the toxicity of the others will eventually destroy your love for each other as soon as one of you doesn't stand up for the other; and it seems he's already done that. Sorry, but you would be better starting anew elsewhere

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