Darkness follows me even when I try to be good

I am trying to get stuff from my past off my back so to speak, so I’ve been doing what I can in person and others anonymously. Even when I’m telling the truth because of my personality, people assume I’m lying or joking.

I’ve made my bed on some of them while others I just hang my head and give up. I’m used to it but it doesn’t mean this doesn’t haunt me. Always being humorous doesn’t mean we’re always aware when we are coming off funny. Course, I don’t see myself as always being funny. I get quiet and daze off like anyone else. I am human.

Sure, I can be brutally honest which I often am and people smile or laugh. They almost always do even if they aren’t pleased with what I say and I know why they do it as a defense machinist. Fine.it is what it is.

Many have told me I cannot not be funny. I cry bs while others say and tell me otherwise. Gee, I wonder why I could tell my so called best friend I was given 2 years to live and she goes quiet. Found out that’s not about me, it’s about her not being able to confront anything, so she denies it’s happening. Avoid and M*** can live her life. Some friend. That’s that.

One confession of my many. Some are outright abnormal as I’ve not led a normal life, I seem to be a magnet for the bizarre or dark and oh isn’t all my fault. I became a ghost several times to avoid toxic people and start over, yet the strangeness always follows. I guess it’s just me or my life.

I don’t seek ** out and I sure as ** avoid temptations most cannot. However, I was a ** addict in my 20s and near the end, now it’s back. J control what o can and being on the way out makes it even more torturous. That’s life. Never fun and always unpredictable. Great just great and one little confession was seen by an ex.

She had no clue. Why would she? I’m the so called humorous, sociopath enigma. I’m used to it. Humor is necessary in life but it can get out of control. People assume things. They also think the worst of you, even if they know you’re the opposite. Still, I always tell people anyone is capable of anything. A true statement. Guess that came back to bite me, or did it?

My ex knows how I talk and write. I write dumber than I am as if to disguise the real me. It’s the only lie if one were to call it that understandably that I do. So you saw the confession. Does it make you feel good knowing what you assumed wasn’t accurate at all?

I tried telling you but you talked over me, then went to your cellphone to escape. **. Years later, it still haunts me because I messed up and you assume I was the other guy. The cat that destroyed those women. Evidently, you become mad at someone and assume they did the worst.

You saw the confession babe. I own what I did. I tell the truth and you assume I’m joking. I tell it again years later and you realize it’s me. You contact me out of the blue and flip out. I didn’t hurt those girls. I was the bystander that tried helping by stupidly jumping into the middle of it, but because of the chaos I got thrown aside with the guilty one.

Lumped in. Cops don’t care, we’re men, so i guess we all fit. Yet I wasn’t arrested. Some cat thankfully had it on tape. Why is it so hard to believe me? Is it because I broke up with you because you were creating drama that wasn’t there?

My name smeared because I tried doing a good thing and you assume the worst of what I’ve never condoned: hurting women.
Sadly, anyone can be hurt mentally and it’s easy. We don’t mean to do it but we all are guilty of this. Still, this didn’t even involve you babe.

So I did this little thing doll. I didn’t try hurting a bunch of innocent girls but I was there. You assumes because you were bitter. I didn’t hit anyone, I didn’t cheat as it makes no sense. I rarely drink and drugs were for my early 20s when I was a young, stupid kid. But I did do this. Yes I did.

It happened a month after I broke up with you because you were scaring me with what you thought of society. It kept me up at night, nervous you’d act on these fantasies or gripes on me. So I dumped you knowing full well you might retaliate. You did by dropping that anonymous tip. Great.

Now, you’ve seen what I did a month after we were broken up all these years later. Why was it so hard to believe the sarcastic wiseass that is also highly neurotic and sensitive? You were angry. Now you believe me but still have the audacity to flip out on me on this years after it happened when you weren’t even involved.

This is my life. Thank Christ it’s likely almost over. Oh, and a pleasant f*** you dolly, I’ve seen your true colors. It isn’t pretty. It ain’t that pretty at all.