The guilt is killing me.

I attended my cousins birthday bash last year and did something that I feel awful about.
Her husband had rented a lake front house, Not a cottage but a house, A mansion to be honest but he rented it because he wanted all of the people she invited to be able to stay the night since it was at the lake, There were 12 of us total and he was the only guy there, We all got trashed and my cousin ended up passing out in a lounger on the beach, He had carried her inside and came back out, we played beer pong for shots and a bunch of other games and everyone was totaled by bed time.
I was sharing the room closest to the bathroom and it woke me up when the light came on and the door closed, I couldn't fall back asleep and my room mate was snoring, After a while I realized whoever had gone into the bathroom never came back out and went to see if they were ok, I knocked quietly and no one answered so i opened the door. My cousin is 3 years younger than me and her husband is the same age, I am married and have a high s** drive which maybe isn't fully taken care of all the time. Anyway I opened the door and my cousins husband was standing in front of the toilet with his c*** out, I apologized and went to close the door when I realized he didn't reply, I looked back in and he was standing there sleeping.
My cousin had told me before that he was hung and I couldn't resist taking a peek, He was standing with his one hand at his side and the other with his thumb in the elastic of his underwear holding them down, I whispered his name and he just took a breath and let it out, I asked if he was ok and he just stood there, I walked right up to him and looked at him and he was definitely asleep, I closed the door which might have not been the best idea but it turned out ok, I went back to him and stood behind him, I was so nervous as I reached around and slid my hand onto the shaft of his p****. He was big but not super big, I started running my finger nails up and down the length of it and he took another breath and let it out, I kept going and it twitched.
I stood beside him and ran my finger nails all over his shaft, His b**** and his big, Purple k*** (He's cut) and then when he was hard I started whispering to him, I asked if he liked me and he nodded, I asked if he wanted me and he nodded, I lifted my top and put his hand on my b*** making him squeeze them and started whispering "Do you want to f*** (My name)?" and he nodded. I started just softly jerking him and then I leaned down and sucked him, I sat on the toilet in front of him and sucked him and then panicked a bit when he put his hand on my head, I looked up and he still had his eyes closed as he swayed back and forth so I kept sucking and he cupped my b*** with the other hand, I had one hand under me sitting on my hand with two fingers in me and rubbing my special spot.
I came hard and was about to quit when I felt his c*** twitch in my mouth and he grabbed my head with both hands so I went for it and sucked hard as he came, I swallowed and he twitched a few times coming lots each time, I made sure to finish it and made sure he was done before I stood up, I held his limp c*** in my hand as I whispered to him "Do you like the way (My name) sucks your d***" and that was the first time I seen him open his eyes, He was obviously having trouble focusing and I was in total freak out mode but he kissed me and and whispered "You can suck my d*** anytime" and pulled his underwear up, Jiggled my b*** oddly and pinched my nipple then stumbled off to bed.
The next morning I wanted to leave before anyone woke up but couldn't because I had caught a ride with someone else, I sat in the living room freaking out and as luck would have it he was the first to wake up, I had made coffee and poured him a cup, We went to the deck and he was acting all normal so I started probing him. I asked what time he went to bed and he said he had no idea, He asked if I was still up when he went to bed and I said I didn't remember which I don't, I asked if he remembered anything totally asking about the bathroom and he said "Pffftttt not after midnight", I said "Nothing?" and he said "Nope" then looked at me and said "Why?", I told him I thought I may have flashed my b**** but didn't remember and he said he didn't either.
I don't think he remembers anything and has never said anything but I fear he might someday and I would die if he did.

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  • Dont kill yourself

  • So kill yourself already OK? Please spare us this nonsensical drama.

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