Funny Confessions

Party FOWL

So I took a ** in the bathroom at this party and the toilet wouldn't flush. There was a line of my friends who would have mocked me for the rest of eternity outside the bathroom if i left floating ** in the bathroom... so i grabbed the (more)

Apocalypse now

I get to live through 3 widely-believed "apocalypses" in my life. Two have already happened.
1) Y2K. On New Years 1999/2000 everyone thought the computers would take over the world. People hid out in bunkers, man. Bunkers.
2) May 21st 2011- The Rapture. Enough said.
3) And last, but not least, 2012. I can't (more)

Pancakes.

I like pancakes, i like pancakes, they make me happy, happy peter, lala la la, lalala :) (hope that brightened ur day a bit.)

The Life Cycle Is Backward

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. It takes up a lot of your time, and what do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. you should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to... (more)

Oh boy

I jacked off during a road trip with my mom and sister in the car. I had a blanket over me, and i had to do it secretly. It took my over half an hour to **, but I did it, and ** did it feel good.
Very **... (more)

Funny **.

Today I was spanked for ** in the baby's huminafiter. I did it again an hour later.

Now you know why i laugh when you brush your teeth

Know those vibrating tooth brushes? the other side works perfect as a **. sorry baby...

Oops

My son were dropping milk teeths, and one ,he gave to me , to put in a glass of water, for the toothfairy to xchange it into money, but i swallowed it even before i had put it in water; stressed out i put it in my mouth thinking it was diet pills who I eat every day, all day long -carbo blockers...
I got him a few xtra toys, from the tooth... (more)

Pooped my pants

I was peacefully asleep after a night of abusing drugs and women. Then I woke up at noon and decided to ** all over my self. Once I had ** myself I walked down the street and found a young boy. I pulled my pants down and grabbed at my loaded (more)

Pizza

Today, I ate pizza that fell on the floor face down. The janitor saw me drop the slice. I just held on to the pizza until he left, then I moved in for a bite...

Superglued sunglasses

One day i had accidently broke the frames to my favorite sunglasses so i decided to fix it with superglue… i put then on a little too soon and got them stuck on my face for a short while

Who wants to swim

When ever i go swimming at the beach i always end up peeing in the ocean and i know a lot of people do it too (we just all act like it never happens) and yet i stil go to the beach and swim. so who's up for the beach??? lol

We Didn't Find It Yet, But We're Going To.

When we were on vacation, me and my friends looked through your bag because we think that you have a **. We didn't find it, but we still think you have one. Next time we visit your house, we're going to look again. :-)

A few years ago I still thought Lindsay Lohan had a twin sister...

...who didn't become famous. STUPID PARENT TRAP MOVIE!!!!!!

@theemichaelcera

Every time someone claimed @theemichaelcera was mike's real account, we laughed. he makes fun of these girls on his REAL account.

You probably don't want to read this...

I'm on the toilet with my laptop writing this, taking a good **! ... told you not to read this ;)

I am scared

I am scared my teacher is a very big Perv

Were all ** up.

I think that all confessions post posters all the same. My friend and I write all the time and we can't tell the diffrence.

Calling off the conking... for now

This is Conk the Hagabar.
As of today Sunday 22th 20Ten your King of Conk-fessions is taking a long overdue break from the continuous conking. Confessions.net you may now rest at ease that the real conk will not conk you for some time, yes i have other things in my life that i need to attend to.
so Don't cry for me confessions sites the... (more)

DOCTOR WHO!

This isn't a depressing sob story, so I hope you enjoy my confession! When I'm at home alone, I put on a bow tie and run round with my replica sonic screwdriver and sing along with Chameleon Circuit's album. DOCTOR WHO AND T-ROCK FOREVER!! Julia. http://www.myspace.com/chameleoncircuitmusic ^^Chameleon Circuit's website

I'm superiorrrrrrrrrrrr!

I confess....that I'm better than you. I'm ** awesome. I go around and pretend I hate myself, pretend I think I'm some stupid inferior idiot, when inside I KNOW I'm better than all you dumbasses! HAHAHAHAHA! I think it's hilarious!! I act like a self-hating (more)

No softener in the laundry

My other half buys fabric softener and tumble dryer sheets and insists I use them with the laundry. I say I do, but I don't. She can't tell the difference and it saves me money because I don't have to buy the softener or the sheets as often. Double win for me! If she ever finds out though, I'm in real trouble!

Facebook

I went on my facebook account and vulgarly insulted every single person I disliked. Then I told everyone that my account got hacked. Feels good.

Oh my Pretzels

I'm usually really healthy. I pretty much just eat lean meats, and veggies, no sugar, nothing processed. But I'm eloping tomorrow and I've got a bag of chex mix here. But I don't really like the pretzels. So I'm just eating all of the cereal out of it and going to put the pretzels back.

TRENDING

RANDOM

POPULAR