Funny Confessions

Got banned from answers.com

The question on answers.com was what are names of candy with dirty names? I answered, cookies and cream, milk duds,whoppers,chico sticks,candy sticks,pixie sticks,honey buns,ding dongs,** **'s,cream soda,and I must confess that this must be the best social... (more)

Gas attacks!!!!

At the age of 10,I visited my older sister and I let a ** and she said it smelled like her scrap bucket. One time I was doing sit ups while my sister held my feet down and when I sat up,I let a big one rip right in her face. 7 th grade, I was sitting in class and had really bad gas and... (more)

I love stealing and wearing **

I love wearing **. I’ve been wearing ** since I was 21. I’m 51 now. I’ve stolen so many ** I have forgotten the number but it’s over a thousand. My wife knows I wear (more)

Stealing **

I love stealing used dirty **. I’m in construction so it’s easy for me. One time I got to work the woman was taking a shower and we had to work in bathroom. When she was done I went in there and there was her ** she just took off in dirty... (more)

Lap of Luxury

3 years of ago, my wife who was 37 at the time, while I was 39 at the time were at an antique store. My wife was looking at a jewelry display case, while I was in the room next door. When I came back into the room, the first thing I saw was my wife sitting in this old man's lap (he was probably in his 60s) with her back to him and he had his arms... (more)

She probably has regrets.

I was out of town working a couple weeks ago and went to a sports bar close to my hotel, My waitress was super flirty and I just out of the blue asked if she wanted to do something after work, She looked around and then bit her lip and said "Sure, Why not...Pick me up at 11?", I can tell you that from 9-11 was about the longest 2 hours ever.
I... (more)

Sexting

I love this man. We aren’t dating anymore but we still… yes. Anyways.
He tells me he’d love to see me ** both holes and I do just that for him. Side note: I’m majoring in Biological Disease, and the words “**-oral transmission” keep running through... (more)

One thing led to another and that led to having a kid at fourteen

In junior high I walked home with this kid, a boy. On the way he told me of his friend that had slipped off the seat of his bike and landed on the bar and smashed his **. We talked about how stupid it was, guys' bikes had this ball busting bar and girls' bikes didn't have a bar, and they didn't... (more)

My grandmother surprised me, that she was a lesbian

I am going to confess about something that happened with my grandmother. I found out she was a lesbian. I was 15, and for spring break I went to spend the week with her in upstate NY. It was cold, but nice. She is an artist and has a studio in the barn next to the house. We went there and she showed me some paintings she was working on and... (more)

True stories of the hotel maintenance department

I work in maintenance for a large hotel. I get calls that the television doesn't work, that the a/c doesn't cool. I go to fix toilets and shower drains. The normal calls the room is empty for me to get the work done, but not all calls are normal.
I've had naked old men, and naked young women. I've been offered money for a (more)

Unforgettable moment

Two weeks ago my girlfriend came to my house, we are very good friends, very good friends. Anyway one day he came to my house, my parents were not at home, we were alone, and I scared him for a joke and he was scared then he got a little angry and hugged me and laid me on the floor, I was surprised, I never expected that he could knock me down... (more)

Nice skirt

I looked up my friend’s younger sister’s skirt and I can’t stop thinking about it. I had a small party at my apartment and one of my friend’s brought her younger sister over who was probably 15 at the time, at the very end of the night my friend got way too wasted, got sick and couldn’t drive home. Everyone ended up leaving and my friend and... (more)

Beyond abnormal actions of my best friend’s husband

I went to visit my best friend about a decade ago. While not a huge fan of her husband who brags about things he ** at (** is only one: my bestie talks a lot), occasionally he can actually be likable albeit strange. Here strange in particular.
My friend... (more)

Shame, shame, shame

I went on a trip to Mexico with some friends, deep sea fishing. While we were there we enjoyed some of the local girls. I got the clap. Instead of telling my wife, I accused her of giving it to me. She went off the deep end, how did I know? Know what? Well it turned out that she was having an affair with a coworker, they both work Real... (more)

After giving a girl a try I was scared I might be lesbian

After college my older cousin offered me a bed until I got a job and could move out. After I moved in she told me she was lesbian. Not knowing anyone I socialized with her friends. One girl pushed me into having ** with her. I got depressed and had anxiety attacks because I thought I was lesbian.
My... (more)

Showing our kitties at school and the mall

This happened one day in my high school. We have a two story building and we move from class to class between classes, and that means going up and down the stairs. I have a friend, we decided to shave our intimate area and not wear underwear and wear a dress that flowed. The reason we did this was so that when we went up and down the stairs the... (more)

Where are you taking me to?

I decided to play a trick on my girlfriend for her 25th birthday. On Wednesday, I told I had a special plan set for her on that Saturday. Told her to wear her ** short sundress and I told her no ** no bra. No problem she says.
All week she kept... (more)

My talk about ** with my mother and her friend

When I was 14 my mother decided it was time for the talk. She asked her good friend, a nurse, to come over and give me the facts, no embellishments. She brought a ** and a condom, she explained the mechanics of a ** during (more)

Water

In middle-school, gym class was closer to the bathrooms than any water fountain. Of course, I done drank toilet water, it’s a solid compromise.

My wife gets frisky when dancing with other men

Before the pandemic, my wife and I use to go to clubs and enjoy dancing. We didn't drink much, but both of us enjoyed dancing with others. She especially loved slow dancing with other guys and getting very close to them. Quite often, she would feel a guy when he got hard while dancing with her. When she felt their hard (more)

My time at falcon

I lived in a Christian group home, or also known as an orphanage, it wasn't small at all either it looked like a college campus, and we had tons of donations and parties, so we were far from poor. The only thing that bothered me was the fact that they were so strict such as the clothes you wore, what you watched, video games you played couldn't be... (more)

Starstruck Crush

Bends the mic, aims to tease, smacks the lips, strikes your need, traveling on, **, your one of many, aims to tease, but never to please. If your a classified a fan, better use video, pictures, and your hand. You'll probably never see this B list rockstar again. Unless on an 80's cruise with an old... (more)

Wrong Person, It Wasn't Meagan Good

I think it is funny, due to a picture I posted to Instagram, you invited Meagan Good to your dinner party because you thought we "made out." Well she is innocent, and it was not her I made out with honey, it was ** Michael Ealy, the other person in the photograph. He was my neighbor in New York City... (more)

Pushing 60?

I was told by a wealthy man named James once, the builder of many famous restraunts, including the Mariposa...that "he learned after marrying multiple women across different states and countries, he not only appreciated the variety of their beauty, personailities, love making abilities and buying them each homes that he would visit from time to... (more)

Superstitious:

When people say the word 'Goddamit' out loud I cringe and take it as a sign of bad luck that our relationship will end. Stepping away from them like a bolt of lightening is about to strike them out of a clear blue sky, because they curse themselves and attract a lot of bad luck and negativity for taking Gods name in vain. I also do not walk over... (more)

Bad Girl Image. Good Heart.

I wear a leather jacket, denim with holes in the knees, am ** tomboyish, got curves, big ** and lips, perfect skin, funny, good looking, charming, intelligent, educated. Grew up in church, keep my values and morals close to my heart. Don’t sleep... (more)

Not Crazy

What people interpret as crazy or eccentric is actually my very high IQ. I just don't think it is polite to tell people, hey I am a MENSA baby or make them feel dumber than me. So I let them believe whatever they want. Who cares. They dont pay my bills.

Psychics and Lawyers

A psychic told my mom ten years ago I was going to marry an attorney, and I never married. Based on my current personal injury court case, I honestly think attorneys are the lying scum of the earth and would never, ever, ever marry one even if they were the last human on the planet. I would rather marry a donkey or a shark..lol..jerks. Although I... (more)

Forgiveness

If you would have taken me as your date to the MET Gala I would have forgiven you…lol… You broke my heart whoring around, damaging our Masterpiece.

No Lazy = 1 Year No Work Anniversary

I have worked since age 15 up until Jan 5, 2021 when I was " fired from the spa due to no fault of my own," because the owner of our company reduced our hours due to the CoVid19 pandemic and people have been calling me "lazy." Not only did I get unemployment from the mean Islamic witch who stabbed me in the back and tried to steal my client... (more)

50 Cent & Unanswered Prayers

I was paying attention to 50 Cents feed (not yours xyz vain & my 20 year celebrity stalker) because he helped us with our charity event last year. Which had absolutely nothing to do with you. However, I do think you and Les have a thing, why else would she hunt me down and try to get to know me if she was not an ex lover of yours. Jealous, or... (more)

Haunted By Your Music Dayne, What The **

I was walking around Hermann Park this evening, and whipped around the corner where the zoo was and your ** Rockin song and voice... was blaring from the speakers. Really, like what are the ** odds the universe is going to give me some random sign in... (more)

I wonder what she looks like now.

About a million and a half years ago or at least some days it feels like it I dated a girl, So cute, She was just so damned cute and I treated her like ** as most young guys do but we ended up moving in with her mom who had never been married at...17 or 18 whatever and I think it was mostly out of... (more)

Making dreams come true.

My friend and I won a trip for two a while back and while on the trip we were sitting at the pool bar, An older couple in their mid 40's were flirting and whatever, I was going to go to bed and went up to the room, By the time I got there I realized I had forgot my stuff at the pool, Went back and walked in on my friend and the woman of the couple... (more)

Nsughty

I locked my boy friend out of the bedroom naked in front of my girl friends and his ** got hard.

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