Other Confessions

I'm ashamed of my own body.

I never really took my self for who I am. I still dont. I wish I would love myself, but as soon as i get close to ny goal, theres this one gorgeous face and body that I want. And i just cant stand my own body. It just bothers me.
I wish i was the Victoria's Secret Model. I wish I was that gorgeous that I could wear a bra in front of bipassers... (more)

I need some SERIOUS help…

Well, when i was around 8 years old, (I'm 13 now) I got a computer. Yes. Very normal. But just wait.
So, one day, I thought about cheerleading and how I wanted to be one. So, I typed in cheerleaders, not knowing that in front of "cheerleaders" was the 3 letters "nak." And my Google auto correct made it "naked" without me knowing it. So my... (more)

Just hear me.

Problems with: Self-esteem. Anger. Depression. You name it i have a little bit of it.
Don't think ofr a second that I'm not posting this to whine about it..I just want someone to hear me.
I'm not happy, despite my upbeat attitude. And you may ask.. "Well tell someone, you idiot. Act the way you feel." Well the odd times that I'm quiet. The... (more)

I'm not perfect, and neither is my life.

Well, you wanna know my life.. Here it is.
I was young, and foolish and didn't know any better. i make mistakes everybody does. Everybody has a rough life but some peoples life's are harder. My parents are both smokers and alcoholics. My dad can get very violent when he drinks and sometimes I get hurt. when i was really young my cousin (more)

Lost

I have been feeling very... Numb the past 3 weeks or so. I am addicted to andrenaline and it has cause me to break the law a number of times in my past, I get into fights over it and I just can't stop and it's ruining my life. My parents resent me and don't treat me like a person I've been so stressed I recently was hospitalized with bleeding... (more)

I have low self esteem.

I hate how I look. I talk to guys that I will never really meet online who will tell me I'm not ugly just because they want to see more. I don't go anywhere without my makeup on & I always do my hair before anyone sees me. I even slightly starve myself because I think I'm too fat.

I was **.

I was at a get together, and my cousins had gotten very drunk and weren't really paying attention to me after that... I was only 13 hanging out with Freshman - Seniors in college. I remember just sitting downstairs at the Frat house we were at only because it was quiet and no one was down there. Then, came two guys... guys I knew and didn't think... (more)

I am NOT naturally pretty and it's killing me

I've always been ashamed to admit it cause I know it's so vain and superficial. I am surrounded by girls with perfectly shaped faces and symmetrical facial features. I can look really good with make up on (not LOTS of it, but a fairly decent amount, as long it's put properly) - I honestly don't know WHY it makes me look so different, I guess it's... (more)

Bury Me

I've been dead awhile now. Emotionally. Mentally. I've never been the same after 8th grade. I guess it's what happened to me. The memories never go away. They're always their haunting me. Why can't I just die like I'm supposed to? It's so useless. People don't see my pain, because I don't show them. But still, I wonder how they don't notice the... (more)

I'm Sorry

Dear M, I loved you too much. So much that this "love" for you turned into obsession. I wanted to be a part of your life, I wanted you to be a part of my life.
At some points I actually wanted to have your life, to be you.
So I tried to find out everything about you, and at a very bad point in my life I tried to access all your stuff on... (more)

I've been doing so well but now

I'm falling apart. I'm a cutter and have had bouts with anorexia and bulimia, and drugs. I've been in therapy and am on medications to correct a chemical imbalance. I haven't cut in months. But now I really want to. I just feel overwhelmed. I'm not used to not cutting, and it's uncomfortable. I stare at the scars I can see and run my fingernails... (more)

Alone with My effed up life

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have never done a conffessional before, because I would like to practice my beleif in god, although my parents hate it. I have lied about dating someone, to get closer to my last boyfriend. I lie all the time for no reason, and I cry because at times I feel like I actually hate my parents. I was bulemic for... (more)

Crazy thoughts driving me mad!

I am getting these crazy thoughts, as if no one cares for me in my family. I feel unwanted, i don't know what have i done that my parents don't really take any of my things seriously. I get these strange feeling of running away from home forever and never come back. I don't know what to do :(

Love Liberates

"Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says,
‘I love you.
I love you if you’re in China.
I love you if you’re across town.
I love you if you’re in Harlem.
I love you.
I would like to be near you.
I’d like to have your arms around me.
I’d like to hear your voice in my ear.
But... (more)

I lied to get SSI

I told my therapist I was **, which led to her encouraging me to apply for SSI for PTSD, and I was approved.
I don't know why I lied about it, I guess I was just too ashamed to admit that I was being a **.
The kicker is that I do actually have pretty... (more)

Who am i

I was molested and have never told anyone about it. i am depressed, i hate my life, and i am a very private person. in high school i was popular but i didn't have any real friends. i have always gotten good grades but never try. some days i don't eat or only eat once a day and run 4-8 miles. i feel ugly even though i know i am not. i am a (more)

I Got It ALL Wrong

I can't believe this...it was all in this big head of mine. Nothing was real. Your silence and lack of willingness to truly communicate with me says it all. What a waste of time and energy!

Frozen Pina Colada

Can't make a decision. I want to go ahead, take a leap of faith and write to you... but I would be overthinking every single word. I MISS you. That's all I know. I might love you too. Bummer., Hmmm...What would Rupert Holmes do?

Facebook

Ever since i deleted my Facebook i feel like i am whole again.

The truth will set you free or will it stomp you.

How much truth do you disclose to your social network. Is there a book on this? Because if there is I would buy it. Like do people come out in FB, do they reveal there job situation, their brake-ups, etc.... Is there an etiquette to follow?

Ok now I'm starting to think that I suffer from anxiety

I get anxious when people I haven't seen in while ask me "how you've been?". What does one I say when you have just lost your job. It ** to say that.

Wrong world

I confess that I am in a world in flame, a world of sins, a world that has fun is the first priority and a wrong world with no justice. I have grown up, not on my age, but on my brain, and realized that I could see the world in a better view, but then I saw it clashing and falling apart while sins and mistakes are happened becausew of the evil we... (more)

Running on Empty

Honestly, I don't know how I have managed to come this far...how I have been succesful at keeping myself from falling into pieces. I guess somebody out there is praying for me. Or is it that Starbucks frapuccino? In any case I can't afford to crumble down. I remember reading somewhere "Be the person you want your kid grow up to be". I am trying so... (more)

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

When you told me your unborn baby had a heart defect and you were going to abort it because "she probably wont live anyway" I pretended to support you. after you had the abortion you were very sad about it and were talking about how your baby had "died" I wanted to punch you and yell at you, your baby didn't DIE you MURDERED her, you never even... (more)

A death scare

Sometimes i daydream about getting hurt, hit by a car or something leaving me in a fatal state, just so i could see who would care.
I know it sounds horrible, but i cant help it. so many people ignore me, and put me down. It alwayse seems to be me that everyone decides 'doesnt matter' if they decide not to be there nice self towards. And no one... (more)

Sketchball

To gambling away my future
to using a weapon
to taking drugs
to smoking
to being modest
to drinking alcohol before i was 18
to avoiding people
to taking weight gainer before i was 18
to daydreaming
to daydrooling
to feeling vulnerable
to feeling overextended
to feeling liberated
to feeling paralyzed
to... (more)

Im sorry i should have listened.

I went on a trip with 2 friends this summer to slovakia, my friends and I got drunk in a local bar. I had been offered a ride back to. My room by a man I was so out of it I agreed. Now I have awaken in a dark damp basement. I am ** feet shackled sitting on the floor. All that was on the screen is... (more)

Blah

I cant cntrl my drinking when the weekend rolls around. I always do something incredibly stupid and/or get in a huge fight with my spouse. That's what happened this weekend, and I texted someone that I shouldnt have while I was drunk. They didn't answer thankfully, but it still happened and I regret it. Now I have to see this person very soon, and... (more)

A.D.R.

I love you...like a fat kid loves cake.

I'm a flake

I am not reliable. I'm always late, I don't have directions, I'm not prepared. I always break plans, oversleep, or forget about plans. The worst part is that I don't really feel too bad about it....

The Big Unknown

It still bothers me, profoundly, that you never gave me the opportunity to give you a hug goodbye. Was there a farewell party thrown in your honor? Did you just pack up and leave your apt. on Quebec St. in the middle of the night? Why am I still in your mailing list, after 7 years of "silence"? Hope you are enjoying your life in the South...cause... (more)

Hiatus

Your mass e-mail hiatus is finally over! Phew! I had been holding my breath for all this time when out of blue...an email about famous paintings was sent my way. Thank you. It brightened my day. I still miss you. Don't know when I will stop doing so.

Depressed

That i am still.depressed and hurt..that i lie when i say im fine or its fine. i just want you to realize im lying..you never do.. nothings the same anymore...

An apology, 7 weeks later

This is actually an apology. I'm sorry Lucy, for making out with Scott that night on the island. Especially since I really like you and think you're a dope as chick. I'm such a weak and immoral **. He told me you two weren't really together! That you were going to china and he wad staying in Leeds... (more)

Finally

I have accepted the fact that I am going to die a lonely virgin, and I've never felt more free.

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